


Lilium

by KALA



Series: Flora and Soul Series [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bottom Severus Snape, I REGRET NOTHING, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin Friendship, Sirius Black Adopts Harry Potter, Slow Burn, Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Top Remus Lupin, do I write anything else? The answer is no, he gets better though, severus snape is sort of an asshole, shameless beauty and the beast reference, they live- most of them anyways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:47:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26161375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KALA/pseuds/KALA
Summary: Soulmarks come too late- too late to stop the wheels of fate from spining out of control. The damage is already done by the time it shows up at the age of twenty, and Remus has no idea how to tell his soulmate that the lilies on the back of their forearms match.Harry's third year gives them an opportunity to meet again, but life is a little more complicated than an instant happily ever after. Not to mention that they're in the middle of a war, and Remus is no wealthy Beast, and Severus is certainly no kind-hearted Beauty.*Soul-Mark AU with some cannon timeline but obvious divergence.Flora and Soul Series pt. 1
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Severus Snape
Series: Flora and Soul Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990213
Comments: 95
Kudos: 331





	1. Purity

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Here I am, back on my shit again. //Sigh// 
> 
> So this came up from like… several things that are happening in my (fail) of a writing life lately. I should start this with; this is a special nod to Beauty by Robin McKinley, because I have recently re-read that book and it never fails to fill me with a sense of romance and wonder. The second of which is that I love soulmate AUs, and third of all I love flower meanings. 
> 
> It will be interesting for those who care, which is very few of you, that my favourite flower is no longer a lilly, although it used to be very much so when I was younger. Also interesting is that my name meaning and lilium mean something very similar. My favourite flower is the Gladiolus, and although I give tribute to it in a lot of my original writing, it doesn’t really fit here. 
> 
> I guess this is the lesser of my evils because if I’m writing fanfiction at least I’m writing SOMETHING. Even though it’s hard for me to feel stuck in my original writing, I know I’d feel worse if I was writing NOTHING. 
> 
> (Hey KALA, how about finishing one of the other fics you started and stopped-)
> 
> Anyways, off we go! May make this a little series?

xXx

“This is the last time I can make you wolfsbane.”

It’s a perfunctory comment, punctuated by the goblet being shoved into his hands. Remus knows that there is something important happening; when is there ever  _ not _ in the middle of a war? He is also aware that if he lets Severus leave now, it may be the last time he ever sees him. The thought of that is as terrifying as it is humbling, and he doesn’t have long to make a decision. This was deliberate; the urgency of his wolfsbane administration would give Severus enough time to slip out of his life. 

He takes a calculated risk and shoves the goblet on the rickety wooden table nearby, his abrupt movement sloshing precious fluid over the rim of the glass but thankfully not toppling it over. 

“Severus!” He calls after him, stepping forward to chase him and potentially cut him off if need be. He puts as much into his voice as he can allow; half pleading, half-demanding that he stop and just listen. He knows he made the right decision when the swift footsteps falter and slow down to nothing. 

“Lupin, I swear to all that is good in the world-” He starts to try and deter him, but the rambling of his statement is telling. Perhaps it is not to someone else, as it is still a threat, but to someone who has watched Severus over the years- it’s a glaringly obvious sign. He has a habit of prolonging things, and playing fast and loose with little moments of safety. He will portray a good character of annoyance and disinterest, but yet lingers like the last petals to fall from a flower stem. 

“Will you marry me?”

XxX

The soul mark appeared like everything else important in his life; too little, too late. The tattoo used to be a sign of joy and prosperity in the wizarding world, but in times of war it was nothing but a wistful reminder of what could have been in happier times. Not everyone was blessed with the mark that tethers their soul to another, and in recent years it had become more and more scarce. Long ago the mark was revered among witches, wizards, and magic-folk alike. Families would announce the presence of a soul mark and the whole community would endeavor to find the other person in the pair and wish them well in their lives together. 

What always remained constant in the soul mark was the presence of a flower. It was the most defining feature of the tattoo itself; an identical picture that contained a flower that would have significant meaning to the couple. In some instances it was literal, such as one of them was named for the flower. In other times, it defaulted to the meaning behind the flower, or even that the flower had some sort of significance to them in an abstract way. 

The only problem was it showed up at the age of twenty; far too late to stop the wheels of fate from motion. Too late to stop the stupidity of childhood from burning the bridges that a relationship would base it’s foundation on. Too late to keep sadness and strife from painting the canvas in it’s dour colours. Too late to keep its victims from making mistakes that could cost them their happiness. 

Remus was used to looking from the outside of what he couldn’t have; perpetually out in the cold whilst everyone else gathered in the warmth within. He was no stranger to pining, and the day he turned twenty, he knew that the trajectory of his life wouldn’t change that drastically just because he awoke with lilies twisting up the back of his forearm. For a long moment he stared at them in blank surprise, only catching them in the mirror as he readied for the day. At first he’d thought they were bruises from the most recent full moon, but on closer inspection, his heart rose and then sank.

They were beautiful in a simple, whimsical sort of way, and he traced his fingers across the interwoven stems. The colours were simple green for the leafage and pure white for the petals. They were not in full bloom yet; and he recalled idly that they’d never fully bloom until the couple were bound by an ancient ceremony of marriage. Nowadays, the simple ‘I do’ was favoured, but some still kept to the old ways of combining each element and reciting ancient vows. 

He wouldn’t see the owner of its pair until  _ after  _ his heart broke in a thousand different pieces that Halloween night. He had heard James and Lily shared a soul bond themselves, and that the flower was a yellow zinnia, instead of the obvious choice. Remus had worried for nothing that his own flower meant something he had no interest in pursuing. He was also just as relieved to find out that Sirius Black, arrested for the death of Lily and James Potter, did not bear a soul mark at all. 

No, instead Remus found his soulmate in the most unexpected place; an old and decrepit house they’d used during their first few years of the Order of the Phoenix. The place could only be reached by portkey, and Remus was nearly sick with nerves and grief when he used the simple playing card to transport him into the abandoned old mansion. Dumbledore had warned them at the last meeting that they would be welcoming a death eater spy into their midst, which was met with surprise and suspicion from all around. 

Remus himself didn’t like the idea of it until he heard the name, and only then did he feel even worse about it, albeit for very different reasons. 

He was early to the meeting, as he always was so he could scope out the place and acclimate himself to the scents of the other members. He had learned to lean heavily on his werewolf senses to try and gauge their trustworthiness. He’d caught on to a few lies in his time as the unassuming, mild mannered, shadow in the corner. His anxiety only heightened his senses, and it was shortly after he greeted Albus that he felt compelled to follow a new but also familiar scent. 

He had no idea what he remembered Amortentia smelling like when he was in school; the only thing he could vaguely recall was the smell of something wildly floral and earthy. Now that same smell was more potent, and he didn’t know he didn’t recognize the dittany before. He followed it up into the precarious upper levels, and found its source at the end of a long stretch of hallway. The smell of the healing potion was strong, but Remus was still stuck on that one solitary ingredient, as well as the man brewing with it.

Severus was still the same and yet bizarrely different. Gone was the bitter but proud young boy he went to school with. Now there was something that weighed him down; a melancholy as he moved around his makeshift brewery. Remus recognized it immediately as something he saw in the mirror some mornings when he didn’t have the energy to plaster the pleasant mask on. He was intruding on something he didn’t deserve to see; a small crack in the facade of a cold and unpleasant sneer. 

He was taller, but still all sharp angles and unforgiving features. He moved with a grace that he only found in a potion’s lab, and had rolled up the sleeves of his long-sleeved shirt to accommodate the heat of the cauldron. Whatever he was brewing, it needed to be on a high flame, and Remus didn’t know if anyone had seen the pale of his wrists, or the blemish of the dark mark on his forearm in quite some time. He was positive, if Severus had known he was watching, he’d have them pulled down in an instant. Thankfully, he was distracted and unaware, and so when he turned to reach for the jar of dittany, Remus saw it. 

Severus slowed to a stop, his own eyes drawn to the soul mate tattoo, just as Remus’s were. He wrapped his other hand around it and brought the forearm to his chest, bowing his head and hiding his face from view behind a long curtain of hair. Remus suddenly understood the ramifications of the lily in their mark; a shared connection between the woman they’d both lost; a friend and dear confidant. He knew Severus had been close with Lily Evans when they were young, and that something had changed and shifted between them during their time at Hogwarts. 

It was Remus that Lily had gone to with her grief over the loss of their friendship. She couldn’t tell James, and never Sirius, but  _ Remus _ would listen. She didn’t understand, although she had her own conjectures, and she wanted nothing more than to sit James and Severus down and erase all the bad blood between them. She hated that she was starting to love a man that could hurt another boy so carelessly, and she loathed that Severus was pushing her further and further away despite her best efforts. She could tell Severus felt betrayed that she was falling for his tormentor, but she couldn’t help her heart. She just wished he could understand. 

And now Remus understood the unfairness of the universe just the same. This was something that he would have to keep a secret for years to come, if not for the rest of his days. He couldn’t possibly approach the boy his friends had bullied and harassed for years while Remus sat idly by and pretended it wasn’t happening. Severus had almost paid the ultimate price of learning his secret, and then was sworn to secrecy to keep his very tormentors safe. 

How he  _ loathed _ Remus; in actions and in words. When the meeting time came and Severus stood in front of the scrutiny of the other order members, his eyes landed on Remus, and his face morphed into a snarl.

Remus had known the pain of a broken heart many times over at that point, the loss of his soulmate before he even got to be with them was hardly painful at all in comparison. 

Time passed, as it always does, and life became easier. It was never perfect, but he kept moving day by day. He missed James, and Lily, and sometimes even Sirius. He moved from home to home, never settling roots down and always mourning what he’d once had. He studied all manner of things, wrote articles, made some money here and there, but he couldn’t find a place of comfort. He felt gnawing, bottomless grief over the loss of his friends, and even deeper was the guilt of poor Harry. He’d have taken him; he would have  _ fought _ for him- but he was a werewolf. To suggest it would be ridiculous.

He didn’t miss a man he didn’t know, but he did have musings every once and a while; wondering what Severus Snape felt in a teaching position he never wanted. 

Then Harry Potter came to Hogwarts, and Remus felt like he could breathe again. He waited for scraps of information, writing letter after letter to Albus and Minerva, hoping to glean as much as he could about his best friend’s son. Minerva was much more sympathetic, and felt a bit of relief to be able to gently complain about the bravery and stupidity of the boy who lived. She seemed to really appreciate the chance to talk freely with Remus, even if she still held him at a bit of a distance as his once-teacher. Albus was sporadic in his replies, but always seemed to update him after important bits were long-over. 

Then came the job request.

xXx

Remus was overwhelmed with the scent that was both a combination of Lily and James, as well as something completely unique. He felt his heart clench at the sight of Harry; how much he resembled different parts of his parents. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around him and hold him for a long moment so he could process his old reopened grief, but he knew that would be incredibly selfish. He watched him with his friends for the first feast, finding that easier than shifting his focus a few seats down the professor’s table. 

Remus didn’t like that Dumbledore had imposed the wolfsbane upon Severus, feeling it was unfair that he’d have to supply it to someone he hated. However, there was a buried, secret, part of him that was happy as well. Even if they left bad blood between them, now there was an opportunity a few times a month for him to soothe some of the jagged edges. For better or for worse, he’d have Severus’s attention, and he had hopeful plans. 

He’d never do something as foolish as tell him about the soulmark, but at the very least he hoped they could end this year as something cordial. He was well aware of the curse on the Defense Against the Dark Artes position, and he needed to make the best of the situation while it lasted. He had no worries about an attempt on his life from the potion’s master. He already knew what kind of man he was deep down, and even if he hated Remus and the werewolf, he’d always do what was right. 

No, his removal from the school would be based on something else. If he had to hazard a guess, he would probably die or become maimed by the very man he’d once called a best friend; Sirius Black. It would be a cold day in hell when he’d let him lay a finger on Harry, and so he studied his defensive spells religiously to make sure he was ready for the moment it all went down. He took both his job as a professor and an Order member very seriously. He would be sure not to falter when the time came. 

Of course, best laid plans often had a way of failing spectacularly. 

The first night he was due to receive his wolfsbane, Remus was ready. Severus arrived at six oclock to the second, and Remus couldn’t help but smile wryly. He was as punctual as he was prickly. 

“Good Evening, Severus.” He greeted him calmly. 

“Your potion, Lupin.” He thrust the goblet out at him, face betraying all his displeasure. 

Remus took the goblet slowly, looking down into its contents with a wince. “A shame you can’t at least add some honey or something to make it taste better.” He swallowed it back as Severus ranted about how sugar would render it inert, and then tapped the goblet with his wand and muttered a quick cleaning spell. “Thank you.” He handed it back to him and then turned to the prop on his desk. “Did you want some chocolate?”

“Did I not just tell you that you can’t have sweets for thirty minutes after?!” Severus snapped. “Is there anything between your ears except for empty space?”

Remus let the insult run off of him. “No, I meant for you.” He held out a bar of decadent dark chocolate; his favourite from a small sweets shop in Scotland. “As a thank you. It’s not much but-”

“-If you were paying me for this-” Severus cut him off snidely with a pointed sweep up and down of his threadbare suit. “You wouldn’t be able to afford it, Lupin.” With that he ignored the outstretched offer and turned on his heel to exit briskly. 

Remus let out a small sigh. Did that mean he didn’t like chocolate? Or simply that he didn’t like chocolate from  _ Remus _ ?

He tried again the next night, but didn’t offer him any treats. Instead he tried to weedle some form of simple conversation out of him. He asked about the upcoming Slytherin Quidditch game, and what he thought of his house’s team. 

“Sufficient, are you finished?” He held his hand out for the goblet, and Remus was surprised there wasn’t some form of comment. 

The third night, Remus wasn’t in much of a mood to talk. He was antsy and exhausted at the same time, gulping it down without pause before he started on his way to the Shrieking Shack. Severus seemed less annoyed and more leery that night, which was agitating to the wolf. There was a part of his instincts deep down that childishly didn’t understand what was keeping them apart, and he hated when those thoughts surfaced. He had to remind himself of all the water that drowned the bridge.

The next full moon, Remus knew that he deserved the icy glare. The boggart was the talk of the castle for weeks now, and he wished that Severus could see the humour in it instead of yet another opportunity to bully him. From what he’d heard from students, Professor Snape was a tyrant, and he thought there was no reason why a student should fear a teacher to that extent. He was torn down the middle; feeling guilty for years past, but also justified in a protective sort of disapproving way. In another world he would have gently confronted him about it, but this was not a reality where that would end well. 

Still, he had to try, didn’t he?

“Sorry, about the boggart.” He offered cautiously. “It would have been my suggestion regardless of which man he chose. I hope you know that.” He didn’t need to point out that it was partially Severus’s fault for being a poor child’s boggart in the first place. The point of this was to try and make this cordial, not worse.

“I don’t need your pathetic excuses, Lupin.” He shot back acerbically. “ _ I _ do not have some desperate need to be liked.” He added on pointedly. 

“Why can’t we be civil?” Remus pressed the issue, feeling more on edge -and forthright as a consequence- so close to the full moon. “ I didn’t come here with the intention of hurting you.”

“Then you should have stayed in the hovel from whence you came.” He hissed, and stormed out without waiting for the goblet. 

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose and huffed. “That could have gone better.” The two nights after, his attempts at conversation were met with stone cold silence. 

He shouldn’t have been so hopeful at the start of the year; he should have known better. His life had never been that easy, and Severus sat on the throne of a thousand contempts. It would be easier to just keep his head down and focus his attention on Harry, but he found himself mulling the situation over and over again in his head. He wanted to try, and he knew if he let this go he’d regret it. With that steeling his mind, he opted for one more honest attempt.

He had a speech prepared for the next full moon, but it was quickly derailed. It appeared that Severus had one too, and his was much harder to come up with a response for. 

“Severus-”

“-You may be willing to conveniently forget what you did to me.” Severus cut in over top of him. “But I cannot and will not. It is not just the wolf that makes you a mindless beast in my eyes.”

Remus didn’t know whether he was more offended, irate, or ashamed. Regardless of which one won out in the end, it left him stupefied long enough for Severus to leave without him getting a word in edgewise. 

The next evening, Remus took the goblet from him without a word and then brusquely thanked him afterwards. He was still sore over the comment, but he knew that saying anything would just escalate into a full blow argument. It appeared that was what Severus wanted, because he lingered for a few seconds after, as if giving Remus the opportunity to start it. When Remus did nothing but stand up from his desk to walk over to his bookshelf in a blatant dismissal, he heard a derisive snort behind him. 

“Still as spineless as ever, I see.” Severus goaded him. 

“No, just an  _ adult _ .” Remus turned back to him angrily. “If you’re looking for someone to fight with you, I suggest you find it elsewhere. Or perhaps you prefer to take it out on the  _ children _ you teach? I was trying to be cordial, to make things less… hateful between us.” It was bubbling up within him before he could stop himself. He should have just stopped at the ‘fight someone else’. “What we did to you was wrong, and I could spend the rest of my life trying to make that up to you, but it would never be enough for you, would it? James and Peter paid for it with their lives, and I’m at your mercy. I hope it’s everything you ever wanted.” He walked around him, refusing to mention Sirius’s fate. “Now if you’ll excuse me, this _ beast _ needs to go lock himself up for the night.”

He did not slam the door behind him; he wouldn’t give Severus the satisfaction. 

The wolf was agitated, and when he awoke the next morning, he was in rough shape. It took him a while to get the energy to drag himself back to the school, and then he could only stomach a simple broth before he fell into a deep slumber. He didn't know how long he slept; but he was jarred into consciousness by the sounds of loud knocking on the entrance to his living quarters. He threw the covers back and squinted at the window, surprised to see he'd slept till morning. It was still early; the sun cresting over the treetops. 

The next bout of loud knocking snapped him from his reverie and he stumbled to the door. In his haste, he didn't think to put on a housecoat, figuring the t-shirt and long pyjama pants were decent enough. It turned out he was wrong, because when he hoped the door and lifted his hand to hide a yawn, he was met with a fierce glare and curled lips of distaste. 

Severus thrust the potion vial into his chest before he could regroup, but it was too late, his eyes slid over to the back of Remus's forearm, lifted in perfect display as fumbled with the vial. 

"What- oh, pain potion?" Remus blinked at the vial, none the wiser to the turmoil going on behind dark eyes. 

"The meddling old fool knows." Severus hissed. "Of course he does." 

"Pardon?" Remus finally realized that Severus was staring at him, and he outed himself when his panic overturned his senses. He immediately hid his arm and gave Severus a wary look, knowing it was the wrong reaction from the way he narrowed his eyes. The soul mark wasn't something to be ashamed of, in fact, many would flaunt it. The fact that Remus covered his, and Severus knew he had the same one, meant-

"You knew."

Remus sighed heavily, feeling it was much too soon after the full moon and their argument for this revelation. He was exhausted, and this was not going to end well. 

"So, this is why you've been so desperate." The potion's master scoffed in disgust. "Let me be perfectly clear-"

Remus didn't have the mental capacity nor the patience to hear whatever vitriol was about to come out of his mouth. Instead he did something incredibly childish, but also extremely satisfying; he slammed the door shut in his face. 

There was silence on the other side, and Remus took great pleasure in imaging the look of utter shock on Severus's face. Perhaps his face would go red like it used to, or maybe he'd turn white as a sheet and stomp off. Either way, Remus downed the potion with a grimace and decided a shower was needed; first and foremost so he could ignore Severus if he decided to start banging on his door again. 

When he emerged from the bathroom, he was almost positive that Severus had left. He could no longer sense him, and the wolf was still close enough to the surface to be useful in that regard. He readied for the day, having breakfast delivered to his rooms while he went over lesson plans. 

To his dismay, when he walked into his third year class, he was bombarded with complaints about Snape covering his classes. Classes in which he should have been teaching one thing, but instead decided to do an entire lesson and assign homework on werewolves. 

Remus wondered what would happen if you killed your soul mate. 


	2. Devotion

xXx

Remus avoided the hell out of Severus, which was perfectly fine considering the potion’s master seemed to be doing the same thing. They rarely crossed paths, and Remus was busy teaching Harry about the patronus charm anyways. He found joy in being able to help the boy who would have probably been his pseudo-nephew in another life, and it was easy to get lost in the humdrum life of teaching and marking. 

He still found himself looking around every corner, concerned that Sirius would somehow find his way past the Dementors and into the castle. He contemplated telling Dumbledore numerous times that Sirius was a black dog animagus, but something always held him back. With the possession of the map, he found himself combing over it whenever the thought came to him. It was because of that he was able to see the moment that Sirius Black dragged Ronald Weasley (and Peter Pettigrew) underneath the shrieking shack. 

In his rush to greet an old friend, and in turn lay blame to the correct one, he forgot about the full moon. It was the first time in his entire life that he did so; too busy swooping in to help save the day. He found them just like the map suggested, and he was able to see the two other marauders for the first time in over a decade. Time had not been kind to any of them; but Peter looked half-mad and too much like his rat counterpart. Sirius was gaunt and sallow, but the fire within him was burning brighter than ever; if even a little half crazed. 

Things would have gone completely sideways after Severus arrived if it weren’t for one small exchange. 

“Lilies!” 

Severus flinched, the hand holding his wand to Sirius’s throat began to shake with barely-there tremors. 

“Trust me.” Remus pleaded. 

“Lilies?!” Sirius howled. “You want to talk about lilies? How about the fact that her MURDERER is RIGHT HERE?!”

“SHUT UP, SIRIUS.” 

“No, YOU shut it, Remus! I am so close-”

“ _ Silencio _ .”

Severus didn’t take his eyes off Sirius Black, who would have been yelling at the top of his lungs if he weren’t hexed silent. “ _ Speak _ .”

“I’ll show you.” His heart leapt up into his throat and he stepped back towards where the three students were watching the exchange with wide, horrified eyes. “Ron. I need to see your rat.”

“It’s just Scabbers!” Ron wailed, clutching onto his beloved ‘pet’. “Leave him alone!”

“Please, Ron. I won’t hurt him.” Remus held out his hand for the animal, eyes shifting back and forth between the red-haired Weasley and Severus’s wand at Sirius’s throat. 

They descended into a tense silence, with nothing but the sound of Scabbers’s terrified squeaks to fill the emptiness. 

“For god’s sakes Ron!” Hermione snapped. “Just give him the damn rat!” 

“But-”

“ _ Today _ Mr. Weasley!” Severus hissed, and the knee-jerk reaction of avoiding the wrath of his professor had him holding out the rat before he could think on it more. 

Remus scooped up the plump hairy body of his once-friend and pointed his wand at him with a soft-spoken spell. He dropped the vermin, and by the time it hit the ground it was a fully grown man. Everyone in the room made a noise of surprise, but Severus was too shocked to stop Sirius from lunging for Peter. The two men hit the ground with a loud thud and grunt; even without his wand, Sirius was able to get Peter subdued painfully quickly with his hands wrapped around his throat. 

“Damnit, Black.” Severus recovered and pointed his wand at the two of them on the floor. “Petri-”

“Wait!” Remus jumped in front of them. “He had Lily _ killed _ !”

“SHUT UP!” Severus roared. “If you used even an iota of brain power you’d realize several reasons why I will not let your mangy friend murder someone. First and foremost because there are  _ children present _ .”

Remus came back to himself, ashamed, and then jumped into wrestling Sirius off of Peter. Once he was freed, Severus cast several spells in a row to ensure both Sirius and Peter wouldn’t be able to run off. 

“What’s going on?!” Harry demanded. “ _ He’s _ the one who killed them.” He thrust his finger at Sirius, who was still miming out his words and glaring daggers at Severus. 

“No, Harry, I thought it was him too until you saw Peter Pettigrew on the map.” Remus reasoned with him quickly. “Peter was an animagus- that was how he hid himself away all these years.” He looked back at Sirius, the need for the truth- the full truth- burning him from the inside. “Oh,  _ blast _ it.” He undid the silencing charm, much to Severus’s immediate disapproval. 

“He was their secret keeper!” Sirius was struggling to get out of the incarcerous charm, eyes bloodthirsty and trained on the prone form of Peter. “He betrayed them to Voldemort! He killed your parents, Harry! I swore that I’d kill him for it, even if it cost me my life!”

“Yes, this is all rather entertaining.” Severus cut in here, eyes widening as he realized that the light was beginning to fade rapidly. “But we must get back to the castle. Everyone except you.” He pointed his wand to Remus, face set into hard lines. “Stay here, and never mention  _ it _ ever again. Are we clear?”

Remus swallowed around a dry throat, the dawning making his face go white as a sheet. “You must get them back to the castle, Severus. Hurry!”

“I’m not going  _ anywhere _ with Snivillus.” Sirius struggled even harder. 

“Sirius, we don’t have  _ time _ .” Remus gestured to the window. “Do as he says. Keep  _ Harry _ safe.”

Sirius swore colourfully, but managed to scramble to his feet. “I need my wand.”

“No.” Severus cut in resolutely. “Miss Granger. You are proficient at hovering charms, are you not? Carry Mr. Weasley.” He pointed his wand at Pettigrew and he was lifted into the air, still as a statue. “Now  _ move _ , Black.”

“Is this really necessary?” Sirius gestured to the bonds holding his arms down. 

“Absolutely.” Severus jerked his head to the doorway. “After you.”

xXx 

Remus hated not knowing what happened, but after he was sealed into the room it was barely minutes before he knew no more. They had cut it too close, and when he awoke the next morning, he was beyond relieved to see that he was still in the shrieking shack. The door and charms had held, and he hadn’t bitten or maimed anyone or anything. He hobbled as quickly as he could into the school, wavering as he caught his breath on the side of the tunnel. When he emerged from underneath the whomping willow, he was beyond surprised to see Severus Snape waiting for him.

“Follow me.” He didn’t even offer any sort of greeting or explanation, simply turned on his heel and stomped off, leaving Remus to try and keep up.

They ended up in the Headmaster’s office, only to find Dumbledore and Sirius waiting for them there. 

“Sirius!” Remus collapsed into a chair, his friend rushing to his side in what must have been borrowed clothes; he’d showered as well. 

“It has been a long night for all of us, but I imagine Remus would like to be updated on what happened once he was indisposed.” Albus stepped in here, and Remus shot him a thankful look.

“We got him, Remus.” Sirius grinned. “He squealed like a pig as soon as the aurors showed up, and they took the memory for good measure.”

“So they’ve taken him to Azkaban?” Remus asked. “And you are free?”

“No.” Severus crossed his arms across his chest. “He escaped.”

“What?!” Remus’s head shot up. “How?”

Severus’s eyes went to Sirius in accusation. “He was able to slip away in the commotion caused by Black.”

“Sirius?”

“I’m afraid what he says is true.” Albus answered for him. “Sirius attempted to attack Pettigrew after we saw evidence of him selling James and Lily Potter out to Voldemort. The auror’s tried to stop him, and the spell keeping Pettigrew immobilized broke.”

Remus leaned his head back and let it hit the back of the chair in a defeated thunk. 

“I’ll find him, Remus.” Sirius vowed. “I promise.”

Severus cut in. “You should be thrown back in Azkaban for what you did.”

“Oh, is that so-”

“-Gentleman.” Albus stopped any further arguments from breaking out. “I believe we all require some rest, and I need to speak to Mr. Black in private about some arrangements.”

“He’s coming home with me.” Sirius announced vehemently. “I won’t take no for an answer. No godson of mine will be living with Lily’s bitch of a sister.”

“It is to keep him safe.” Dumbledore reminded him. 

“We can use the Fidelius Charm.” Sirius waved off his excuse. “And I just so happen to have an entire house left to me so  _ lovingly _ by my parents.” He informed them sarcastically. “As the last Black  _ alive _ , that is.” 

“They left you the house?” Remus blinked back into awareness, wondering when he’d closed his eyes. 

“Remus, you too! We can throw all their shit out, and we can each have a damn floor to ourselves!” He looked damn near maniacal with glee. “Harry will have so much room he won’t even know what to do with it!” 

“I don’t think-” Remus was blindsided from the offer.

“You’re going to let a man who just spent the last few years in Azkaban, who is the reason why Pettigrew escaped, be a guardian to Harry Potter?!” Severus thundered. “You can’t seriously be entertaining this idea?” 

“I’m his godfather! It’s my right!” Sirius hollered back. “And Remus will be there too, won’t you, Remus?”

“I-”

“Oh, and I suppose you think that makes it better?” Severus shot back. “I suppose you’ll just lock him in the cellar for the full moon? Hope he doesn’t get out and tear apart the Boy Who Lived?!”

Remus winced at the comment, wishing it didn’t hurt that much. 

“Oh, fuck you, Snivillus, I’ve been dealing with the wolf far longer than  _ you _ have. I know just as many spells to keep him safe.” He seethed. “And you think I trust your opinion one damn bit? I know what you’re hiding under that sleeve!”

Remus and Severus both looked at each other for a split second before Severus stood a little taller and smoothly redirected: “You were always one to judge first, weren’t you, Black?”

“You were one of them.” Sirius spat hatefully. “Just because you found a conscience somewhere-”

“-Enough.” Remus stood up abruptly, ignoring the way his head swam. “I’m tired and I don’t want to listen to this.”

“Remus, Severus, I suggest you get some sleep. I’ve cancelled morning classes.” Albus offered gently. “Sirius, please sit down, we still have much to discuss.”

Severus uttered something unpleasant under his breath but swept out of the room, not even waiting for Remus who dragged himself down the stairs behind him. By the time he was in the corridor, Severus was long gone. 

Circumstances what they were, Remus found that it didn't matter the reason why he couldn't teach the next year. Even though he left Hogwarts without his identity being completely exposed, there were still several students and parents who were suspicious enough. He wished he could be angry about that, but in reality, there was a part of him that was relieved to not be so close to Severus. 

The three of them fell into a sort of rhythm rather quickly after the school year was over. Remus went with Harry to retrieve his belongings even though Harry tried to assure the both of them that there wasn't much left. Remus was suddenly glad Harry insisted that Sirius stay home, because he knew it would have put him right back in Azkaban to see the Dursley's and Harry's upbringing. Remus himself wasn't sure if he could control his own anger, but Harry's downright cheerfulness was sort of off-putting. He loaded up his things into Remus's expandable bag and then slammed the front door shut on Vernon's purple face. 

They spent most of July cleaning up the house, and slowly getting Harry to open up about what he'd suffered through and how his first two years at Hogwarts had gone. It was a slow process: both the cleaning and the healing. All three of them had burdens to bear, but Remus was insistent that they at least try to be honest with one another. In that regard Harry and Sirius were far too alike; fits of stubborn lashing out were commonplace in the first few sit downs. So Remus started talking about his own struggles awkwardly when they were working, and eventually the two of them would fill the silence with their own stories. 

What was the most surprising thing of all wasn't the fact that Kretcher took a strange liking to Remus, or that Sirius actually enjoyed renovation, or even that Harry was the best cook of all of them. No, the most bizarre thing occurred two days before the full moon when Severus Snape arrived with Wolfsbane unprompted. 

It was luck that Remus was in the study reading when the floo flared to life. He was reading a muggle book about a young girl named Beauty, finding the story rather enrapturing once he picked it up. He hadn't meant to read past the first chapter, but here he was, a third of the way in. Had Sirius or even Harry been the one to answer the floo, they probably would have shut it out of sheer childishness. 

Remus knew that no one would be able to find their home without Dumbledore's assistance, which meant that the surly face demanding if he was going to gawk all evening was definitely his soulmate. He stepped back and allowed him through, wondering if Dumbledore had sent him on Order business. Instead Severus came through with his hand covering the top of a familiar goblet to ensure the dust wouldn't get in. 

"Here. So you don't maim the precious saviour." Severus sighed, holding it out to him without quite meeting his eyes. "I'll be back tomorrow evening."

Remus stood there for a long time, digesting the fact that Severus had a) not complained about Dumbledore asking him to continue b) he was holding wolfsbane, and c) Severus had worn plain muggle clothes with his long blue sleeves rolled up and both soul mark and dark mark on display. 

Did he assume Remus would have told them? Did he simply not care?

For the record; lukewarm wolfsbane was even more disgusting than warm wolfsbane. 

X   
  
The next evening Sirius knew something was up from Remus’s downright skittish behaviour. He remembered watching a second-year Remus do something similar before they found out about his wolf problem, and he knew that his friend was anticipating something. He had half a mind to hang about to see if he could get him to spill, but Remus locked himself away in the study with some sort of book with a flower on it and that was that. Harry decided that he wanted to get a start on his summer studies ‘you have no idea how nice it is to not have to hide to do it- say can you help me-?’ so Sirius decided he’d wait until dark to take Buckbeak out for a stretch.

Although everyone involved disapproved immensely (yet Dumbledore didn’t seem surprised), Sirius eventually found out that Harry and Hermione had used her time turner to go back and save Buckbeak. They hid him in the owlery until Sirius caught Harry sheepishly sneaking out to go and set him free. In the end, Sirius had a stroke of sympathy (and a little reckless abandon) and decided to adopt the feathery creature for the time being. The gameskeeper was supposed to be trying to find him a place to live, but Sirius told him not to rush. He rather liked the company. 

That left Remus staring at the fire with antsy energy for the first hour after dinner, but found himself sucked back into the book again once he allowed himself to pay attention. 

He knew the story of  _ La Belle et la Bête _ , but he hadn’t read a new rendition of it in some time. He remembered his mother was enamoured with a collection of children’s stories containing it, although it was shortened from its original form quite a bit. His mother spoke fluent French, and endeavoured to find a Perisian copy of it. Now years later, Remus couldn’t remember much of what his mother read to him when he was a child, but he enjoyed the bittersweet reminder all the same.

Every night the Beast would ask Belle to marry him, and every night she would refuse him. 

Remus paused and put the book down, eyes glazing over in thought. There  _ was _ a self-deprecating part of him that identified with The Beast; to be stuck in his wolf form forever with his human mind would be a lot like purgatory. He would be saddling anyone who got close to him with his curse, even if they weren’t the one suffering from it, and there was no magic kiss to make it go away. In that sense, he wondered why he’d been allowed a soulmate to begin with; was fate really so cruel that it would do that to someone? Even someone like Severus?

Would he ever be able to look at his love in the eyes and sincerely ask them to marry him? Knowing that they’d always be scared of a part of him? How had The Beast gathered such courage? Was he simply that desperate? Did he have nothing left to lose?

The floo opened at the wrong time, and Remus found himself off-kilter answering the call. Severus stepped in with the goblet like last time, and the filter between his brain and mouth disappeared rather abruptly. 

“Would you ever get married?” Remus asked after he’d taken the goblet from Severus’s hands.    
  
“ _ Excuse me _ ?!” Severus hissed in shock, looking so gobsmacked that Remus couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“Don’t look so offended.” He shuddered after he’d downed the vile potion, sardonically continuing his train of thought. “I know you’d rather die than marry me. I just meant in general.”

Severus crossed his arms across his chest defensively, his voice a furious whisper. “And I suppose you think you’re being clever, Lupin? I’m sure you and your _friend_ _Black_ would get a good laugh out of any response I give you?”

Remus frowned, immediately moving to the realm of annoyed and defensive. “Must you take everything as a bloody attack?” He scourified the goblet with a wave of his wand and then tossed it back at Severus. 

“It’s none of your fucking business.” Severus shot back after catching it shakily. 

“Clearly.” Remus scoffed, marching over to his book and slamming it shut. “I’m well aware of your feelings towards me.”

Silence permeated the room, but eventually Severus left through the floo without responding. 

A sheepish knock sounded at the door and Remus jumped at the sound. He hadn’t noticed Harry sneak up to the door, but now that he could sense him he wanted nothing more than to erase the last few minutes of his life. What a stupid thing to say, and what if Harry had overheard them? He walked over to the door and opened it, finding said child with his charms textbook held up as if shielding him. 

“I, er, needed some help with my homework.” Harry admitted with a wince. “Normally I’d owl Hermione, but…”

“No, of course, come in.” Remus tried to plaster on a comforting smile, but Harry looked a little awkward standing there in the middle of the room and looking pointedly at the fire. 

“Was Snape here?” Harry asked at last. “I thought I heard his voice…”

“He was bringing me wolfsbane.” Remus stripped his voice of intonation, and gestured for Harry to have a seat across from him. “Come, show me what you’re having trouble with.”

Harry didn’t ask until after their impromptu tutoring session, but when he leaned back in his chair with a triumphant sigh, he gave Remus a piercing look. 

“I thought… Well…” He looked down at his hands. “Why would Snape help you like that?”

Remus groaned inwardly. “I don’t think  _ Professor _ Snape is helping me at all. I think Headmaster Dumbledore wanted to make sure you were safe.”

“I mean… Yeah…” Harry glanced at the fire.

“Just say it, Harry.”

“It’s just. Why was he so cross at you? Why were you arguing?”

Remus went red and then white. “We weren’t.”

“You said something about-” He cut himself off and looked away in shame. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

“Harry, Sev-... Professor Snape and I were not exactly civil in school together. He’s still angry at the way we treated him.” Remus was pained to say it for many reasons.

“At the way YOU treated HIM?” Harry’s eyes were wide in disbelief. “What?”

Remus wanted nothing more than to memory charm the both of them. “Harry-”

“-Did it have something to do with my dad?”

Remus hung his head into his hands. “Harry, please. Not… Not right now.”

“But-!” 

“After the full moon, I promise.” Remus regretted the words once they left his mouth. He should have just told him to leave it, but instead here he was promising to tell Harry something painful. Harry looked placated for the moment, but he was starting to see just how stubborn he could be. Eventually he’d corner him and demand answers anyways. He soaked up any information about his parents greedily, and Remus still felt ashamed that he’d grown up not knowing anything about Lily and James. He should have written to him at the very least. 

He’d just been so lost, so alone, that he hadn’t even considered that Harry would be just as alone. Hindsight was a terrible thing. 

Part of Remus wondered why Severus was the one to deliver the wolfsbane to begin with. Certainly he could send it via owl, or even borrow one of the Hogwarts house elves to do it. 

“Is Mister Remus be needing something?”

Remus turned from watching the rain pelt the window the next afternoon and offered Kreacher a wane smile. “Thank you for asking Kreacher, but no.”

  
The house elf hesitated, which made Remus turn to give him his full attention patiently. It was partially thanks to Harry, he’d admit, that he started to try and give house elves a little more respect. Remus listened to Harry talk about Dobby near the start of the summer, and appreciated the fact that the Malfoy’s servant downright defied his master to try and save him. It made him look at Kreacher in a new light, one that made it easy to try and at least be kind to him, and tell Sirius off when he was being a right bastard to the old elf. 

This seemed to endear him to Kreacher, and so Remus found him loitering around the areas he occupied, giving both Sirius and Harry a wide berth. Remus thought it was strange that Kreacher would want to be anywhere near a werewolf, but instead he seemed rather unperturbed by it. Remus wasn’t due to change for a few hours, but Kreacher seemed almost concerned for him, or perhaps Remus was just seeing things that weren’t there. 

“Are you alright, Kreacher? Has Sirius been cruel to you?”

Kreacher’s face twisted into a snarl, but he shook his head, muttering something possibly slanderous under his breath. 

“I’m sorry about him.” Remus continued. “He doesn’t have fond memories of this house. He shouldn’t take it out on you.”

Kreacher remained silent, wringing his hands slightly. 

“Can I ask a favour of you, Kreacher?” Remus offered gently. “You are under no obligation to help me; I realize I’m not your master. However, I wonder if you could look after Harry tonight? Just make sure he’s safe.”

Kreacher narrowed his eyes. “Is the young boy to be in danger?”

“No, no, I certainly hope not.” Remus assured him. “It’s just… we’ll be leaving soon, and… Well I suppose it’s just silliness, isn’t it? He’s thirteen, but I do worry…”

“I see…” Kreacher looked away from him. “You care for the boy.”

“Yes, of course.” Remus looked surprised. “He is… like family.”

“A magical family should be pure; know their place in the world! Mistress would be most displeased at the…  _ people _ within her home.” Kreacher hissed, glancing back and forth warily, and if waiting for the strike or outrage. 

“You were a part of that family, I’m sorry they’re gone Kreacher.” Remus felt sympathy for him. All he’d known was what he was brainwashed to be by the old Black Family, and there was a chance that he would never come to accept any of them as his true masters. “But Harry and Sirius are my family, even if we aren’t related by blood.”

“And the potioneer.” Kreacher grumbled. 

“I…ah, sorry I didn’t…”

“You is connected.” Kreacher lifted one bony finger towards Remus in an almost accusatory way. “Ancient magic, it is. One of the most powerful. Mistress was a soulmate.”

“Walburga Black had a soulmate?” Remus stared at the elf in both shock and dismay. Something about that made him feel a little dirty to share something in common with Sirius’s evil mother. 

“Yes. She lost him, she did.” Kreacher looked down sadly. “They was young.”

“Before she married into the Black’s?” Remus didn’t know what to do with this information, but it appeared that Kreacher hadn’t had anyone to talk to about his old mistress for quite some time. Sirius wouldn’t appreciate learning anything about the woman who blasted him from the family tree. 

“Your potioneer.” Kreacher pointed to the fire instead of answering the question, and disapparated with a crack. Sure enough the floo flared to life.

When Severus was once again standing in front of him, Remus felt his mood sour. Walburga had been a right wretch to Sirius when he was younger, to the point that he spent most of his summers with the Potter’s before he was officially outcast. Remus knew things had been bad, but he wondered for a brief moment what his upbringing would have been like if his mother hadn’t felt cheated by the loss of her soulmate and forced to marry her second cousin instead. 

“I’m sorry.” Remus offered, falling back on his instinct to smooth things over. “I shouldn’t have said anything about marriage last time.”

Severus quirked a brow and handed him the goblet, waiting until he had finished it before he spoke. “Back to people-pleasing, I see.”

Remus clamped down on the urge to lash out- but only just barely. The wolf was close to the surface while it waited for the full moon to rise. There was a very real part of him that wanted to shove Severus up against the wall and just confront him for every nasty thing he’d ever said. Was it really so hard to be polite? 

“Do you ever get tired of being difficult?” Remus asked with fake pleasantry as he returned the goblet. “First you’re angry I say anything, and then you’re annoyed I apologize for it.”

“Do you ever tire of being so accommodating?” Severus shot back snidely. “Or do you enjoy pretending to be a meek, unconfrontational, worm?”

“How do you  _ know _ I’m pretending?” Remus hated that he got under his skin like this. “I didn’t know you were paying attention.”

“It’s my job to pay attention.” Something dark and too intense flashed behind his eyes, and Remus knew that the conversation was reaching dangerous levels. 

“Always prepared to find the darkness in others. Well, I’m glad you have figured me out, Severus; it must be such a relief.” Remus ran a hand through his hair, agitated. “After all, I’m a werewolf, no surprise that I’ve got some hidden  _ darkness _ in me, just waiting until you let your guard down to strike.”

“Remus, you ready to go?” He heard Sirius call from downstairs, and then instantly regretted it when the portrait flared to life and started her screeching.

“Speaking of the wolf.” Remus cut over any snide remark that Severus could concoct. “I’ll be going.”

“You’re leaving?” Severus demanded. 

“I would never transform around Harry.” Remus snapped. “No matter how effective wolfsbane is, there are some things a child  _ should not _ see.”

Severus gave him a nasty look. “On that we agree.”

“I told you I had nothing to do with that.” Remus was starting to lose his temper completely now, and he knew it was best to just leave. He threw the door open so quickly it nearly cracked the plaster, deciding that Severus could find his own way out. Even if the bastard deserved a good punch in the face sometimes, Remus trusted that he wouldn’t do anything to Harry. On that he was certain. 

XxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’ve hummed and hawed over what I wanted to do with this fic in regards to Sirius. In my last fic I wrote with them, I kept Sirius dead, but I am kind of interested to see the interaction between them. Maybe one day I’ll work up to having James and Lily alive too and then we will really have a party (drama). 
> 
> As per usual this is taking a bit longer than expected, but I hope to have it done in three-five parts. The before. The during. The after. Sort of thing.
> 
> Also, if there is ever a chance that Harry gets the hell out of the Dursley’s, I’m gonna take it, okay?
> 
> As for the timeline, aside from re-reading the book I’m taking some liberties/laziness in remembering what happens when, but just pretend, k thanks.


	3. Virtue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Guys I’m running out of Lily meanings and I am not even close to the end of this bad boy.  
> ლ( `Д’ ლ)
> 
> I really hope y’all didn’t expect it to be as good as I Lie In Your Charms, because spoiler, it’s not.
> 
> So I’ve noticed this theme where Sirius is generally considered the ‘antagonist’ of any sort of Snupin story, and I really, really, REALLY, like redemption arcs. So… I mean… Expect at least some Sirius Realizing He Was A Twat©.
> 
> It’s been really hard to write for long periods of time because I injured myself at work. (Kill me) so bear with me folks.
> 
> As always, comments are my lifeblood.

xXx

  
  


“You were in a right nasty mood last night.” Sirius gave his friend a knowing look. “That book of yours not treating you well?” 

“It’s fine.” Remus hauled himself up into a seated position despite his body protesting his every movement. He didn’t have the energy to catch the pair of sweatpants that Sirius tossed his way, but he managed to wiggle them on and then shove a shirt over his head. He needed a bath, a meal, and a bed in that order. He was exhausted, the wolf had nearly snapped at Sirius several times that evening, and even though Remus was able to keep his mind, the anger was harder to control.

“You were not as bad as some nights, though. Just didn’t like when I wouldn’t let you maim a bunny.” Sirius tried for lighthearted, but Remus wasn’t paying attention. “You wanna explain what has you so pissy? It got anything to do with that mark on your arm?” 

Remus’s head snapped up. “What?”

“You honestly think I wouldn’t see it? How dumb do you think I am?” Sirius squatted down at this side and jabbed Remus in the arm. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me, Moony?”

Remus looked away, jaw clenching. “We weren’t on the best of terms before…”

Sirius sighed. “Yeah, that’s on me. I get it.”

“It was on both of us.” Remus allowed.

“Nah, I’m pretty sure you never really forgave me for the whole  _ incident _ .” Sirius held out his hand and helped Remus stumble to his feet. “And then I just… let it get bad. I shouldn’t have, Moony. That’s on me. Maybe if I’d pulled my head out of my ass…”

“Let’s just…” Remus was too tired for this. “Can we go home?”

“Yeah, right. Don’t lose last night’s dinner on me, deal?”

Sirius apparated them back to Grimmauld Place, and despite his offers, Remus trudged up the stairs himself and fell into bed. He was out like a light before he could even think about taking off his clothes and getting under the covers, yet when he awoke around noon, he had a blanket draped over top of him and a bowl of porridge under a stasis charm on the bedside table. 

It was nice, he allowed, to be taken care of. 

Sirius and Harry were downstairs working on the kitchen when Remus was finished showering and putting himself back together enough to be presentable. Sirius wanted to completely redo every room in the house, much to Kreacher’s intense disapproval, but the kitchen was Harry’s domain. He wanted to dote on his godson and give him the Best Damn Kitchen Ever which was a little over the top but no one felt fit to complain about it. There were worse things Sirius could do with his fortune. 

“Hi, Remus.” Harry greeted him. “Are you hungry?”

“I… No.” Remus was a bit confused, but neither of them seemed willing to admit they had brought him the porridge, so he decided to let it slide. 

“Harry was just telling me he got a letter! Tell em, Harry.” Sirius grinned like an excited puppy. 

“The Quidditch World Cup?” Remus repeated dumbly after Harry had finished reciting the letter. “That’s amazing Harry!”

“It’ll be brilliant!” Harry beamed. “Sirius already said I could go.”

The rest of the day was spent in a flurry of excited energy. Sirius took Harry out to do some flying after dinner, which Remus begged off due to still feeling tired from the transformation. Harry’s birthday was coming up soon as well, and Remus wanted to head out to grab him something. He was able to save up from his time as a teacher, so he did have a little spending money. He didn’t want to have to rely on Sirius and his downright ridiculous charity to get Harry a present.

He understood the desire to spend all the Black Family Vault out of some vindictive ploy to get back at his parents, but sometimes Sirius didn’t realize how it came off that he was treating Remus like some sort of pathetic kept man. He did have some pride left under his shabby clothes and docile demeanor. He took to one of the smaller magic communities in Wales, a place called Myrrdin’s Town. Remus liked it better than Diagon Alley; much more subdued but with just as many useful places to shop.    
  
He knew that Harry could have anything he wanted thanks to his savings from the Potters and Sirius’s constant doting, but he wanted to get him something useful that he wouldn’t think to buy for himself. That narrowed it down to about a hundred different things. He considered a dark detector, but they were expensive, and he didn’t want to remind his sort of-nephew about the danger hanging over his head. He wandered into Morgana’s Robes in hopes of something sparking his interest. 

“Hello.”   
  
The young girl standing behind the desk at the back of the store couldn’t have been a day over twenty, but she still hopped up to greet him with a sunshiny smile. She had dark skin and shortly sheared hair, but the bright yellows and purples she wore reminded him distinctly of a Hufflepuff. She was extremely well-dressed, probably a prerequisite for working in a fashion shop, and Remus shifted in discomfort.

“Are you looking for something in particular?” She offered sweetly. “Something for you? A gift?”

“A gift.” He admitted, feeling himself relax ever so slightly at her pleasant demeanor. She certainly was meant to work in merchandise. 

“Wonderful. We have a nice selection ranging from goblin to giant.” She chuckled at her own joke.

“I’m looking for something that might interest a fourteen year old boy wizard.” Remus couldn’t help but smile at her. 

“Aw, of course! School age is always hard to buy for, isn’t it?” She gestured for him to follow her to the corner of the store. “Quidditch-themed clothes are always popular with that age group.” She assured him. “We have pins, pyjamas, cloaks, jumpers… Oh, we even have  _ broom  _ charms, although those are generally liked by our feminine population.” 

“Or, wait! How about a schoolbag?” She dragged him along to another area excitedly. “This one has nice detailing work on it. See the little brooms and snitches? It’s a little more ‘mature’, but fun!”    
  
Remus admired the dark red bag, wondering if it was something Harry would even enjoy. It was handsome with gold detailing along the seams, perhaps he could use it to carry his books between classes?   
  
The clerk was going on about lightening spells and extra storage, and Remus tried to discreetly see the price. Even if it was a bit more expensive than he’d like to spend, he did have a lot of birthdays to make up for. Would Harry think it wasn’t cool enough? 

“-My little brother has one,  _ huge _ Harpies fan.” She gushed. “He pretended not to care when I showed him and then hasn’t stopped wearing it since, or rather, he always has it on when I see him.” 

Remus paid for the bag, still unsure if Harry would like such a thing. Valerie, who had finally introduced herself with a flourish of her card, gave him a discount and continued chattering away as she packed up the bag for him in a box wrapped with twill. It was because of zoning out during her story about her brother that Remus didn’t pay attention when the bell above the door chimed and someone new stepped in. 

Valerie looked past him with an excited grin on her face just as the new scent of fresh air and dittany hit his nose. 

“Welcome!”

Remus turned and stared in disbelief. 

Severus was much quicker to react. “Finally replacing your shabby old robes, Lupin?”

“You two know each other?”

“Yes-”

“-Unfortunately.”

Valerie frowned. “Mr. Prince, can you not be rude to my other customers?” She put her hand on her hips and chastised him, but her sweet tone diminished the effect. She addressed Remus once Severus did nothing but roll his eyes and turn away to occupy himself with the cloaks. “He’s a little rough around the edges, but I swear he’s got a good heart.”

“Miss Snow, please refrain from spreading lies.” Severus’s voice drifted from the far corner of the store.

She chuckled and then stepped around the counter. “Mr. Prince, we just got some new robes in. Will it be black, dark green, or dark blue today?” 

Remus snorted under his breath at the cheekiness, yet he couldn’t help but notice something. “Mr. ‘ _ Prince’? _ ”

“Mind your business, Lupin.” Severus called back to him, tone irate, and then turned to address the clerk with a slightly milder tone. “I am not here for robes.”

“Oh, a new cloak then? I notice yours is getting a little frayed. Ooh, how about a nice  _ silver _ one? I know it’s not your style, but-”

Remus decided he’d had enough strangeness for the day and left the store with the package under his arm and an amused smile on his face. He considered, for one brief moment, hanging about to see what exactly Severus was doing there, but then decided against it. Even though the interaction with Valerie had been tame, he had no doubts that Severus would be a little more cutting without an audience. He hadn’t expected him to be quite so subdued with the clerk, but clearly he’d been coming there for a while. 

But ‘Prince’? Not ‘Snape’?    
  
He bought a few sweets to add to the present, and then decided he may as well apparate home. He looked back at the clothing store with a moment’s hesitation just as Severus left with a long rectangular package. The two of them locked gazes, and Remus wondered if Severus really did think he saw a beast when he looked at him. Saddened by the thought, Remus was the first to turn away and then left with a gentle pop of apparition. 

Harry looked like he actually liked the bag, but it was Hermione who fully appreciated it’s craftsmanship. Most of the Weasley family and Hermione were there for Harry’s fourteenth birthday, who looked stunned and awkward under all the attention. Remus and Sirius knew he hadn’t had a real birthday before, and Sirius vowed that they’d throw the biggest celebration ever when Harry turned seventeen.

“It’s cool.” Ron allowed, looking at the small snitches sewn into the fabric. “I mean, it’s better than hauling everything around, isn’t it?”

“Gives me an idea, Fred.”

“Right with you, George.”

“No.” Molly spun on the twins who were grinning devilishly. “You will not charm that bag to swallow him.”

“Mother!” Fred clutched his chest in fake offense. “We would never!”

“Honestly, the thought of harassing dear, precious, Harry…”

“They were definitely thinking that.” Ron sighed.    
  
“Will the two of you  _ ever _ grow up?” Percy sniffed.

“Well, not everyone can be perfect as you, Percival.” George replied sweetly.

“How can the rest of us compare?” Continued Fred. 

“Honestly…” Molly tutted, and then turned to Harry and squeezed his shoulder gently. “It’s lovely, dear. A very nice gift.”

“Thanks, Remus.”

The children all left to the Burrow for a quick game of Quidditch, which left Remus and Sirius to begin cleaning up. 

“Well, that didn’t end in disaster!” Sirius levitated the dishes to the sink where Remus had already set up a cleaning charm. “Look at us, being all responsible, Moony!”

“I’ve always been responsible.” Remus shot back, rolling up his sleeves and starting to dry the dishes by hand. He found it was just as much time and energy as opening each cabinet door with magic and levitating them inside. “You’re the childish one.”

The lack of response after a few moments made Remus shoot his friend a curious look. Sirius was watching him with furrowed brows, like he was trying to piece something together. 

“So, who is it?” Sirius asked, finally pulling himself away from whatever thoughts had distracted him. “Do you know?”

“Know what?” Remus turned back to the dishes and put a few more away, decidedly not facing him. 

“Aw, hell, Moony. Is this some bullshit that you won’t approach them because you get a little hairy once a month?” There was something to be said for making light of it, because there was an edge to Sirius’s voice that ensured there was definitely a wrong answer. 

“I gain a little more than some fur, Sirius.” Remus shot back, trying to keep the conversation light and nonchalant.   
  
“But you know who it is?” Sirius pressed. “Is it someone we went to school with? I heard soulmates are generally around the same age. I think the worst age gap was maybe seven years?” He could hear Padfoot shuffling around as he continued to clean up the garbage from the party. “I wonder if those old codgers at the ministry have a registry.”

“It doesn’t matter, Sirius.” Remus shrugged. “I’m not looking for them.”

“The fuck, Moony?” Sirius leaned against the counter with his arms crossed, eyes boring into the side of his face. “Are they dead? No- wait the flowers would have faded, then.”

Without warning, Sirius grabbed his arm and lifted it up, nearly making him drop one of the cake pans on his foot. “Sirius!”

“It’s lilies.” Sirius mused, mouth twisting this way and that. “Interesting.”

Remus pulled his arm out of his grasp and stepped out of his range. “Must you be like this?” He grumbled.

Sirius crossed his arms again and looked at the floor, eyes glazing over as the memories set in. “James showed me his the moment he got it. Nearly threw my door off the hinges.” The two of them shared a wry smile at the mention of their missing friend. “Zinnia, I think, on the shoulder.”

Remus put the last cup onto the shelf, reflective. “It can mean endurance…”

“Ha! That’s a good one for James n’ Lily.” Sirius chuckled. “She definitely endured his constant flirting.”

Remus smiled despite himself. 

“What do lilies mean?”

Remus rolled his sleeves down. “That… Depends.”

“Okay smartarse, what do  _ white lilies _ mean?” 

“I’ve heard they mean purity-” He waited for the snicker here, and then continued. “-Pure intentions; I’ve often compared it to being sincere.”

“Or it’s something simple like you both knew a Lily.” Sirius chuckled. 

“I’m sure it’s  _ that _ .” Remus turned away from him derisively, rolling his eyes for effect. He threw the towel on the counter definitively. 

“It is, isn’t it?” 

The seriousness of his tone made something snare in Remus’s gut, and he froze despite his best efforts to act unaffected. 

“That’s… You said ‘lilies’, back in the shrieking shack-”

“Shut up, Sirius.” Remus took to the stairs, but he should have known better than to hope Sirius would leave him alone about it. 

“ _ Merlin’s soggy pants _ …” He heard the horror in his old friend’s tone. “Remus! Get back here!”

“I am not having this conversation with you.” Remus called over his shoulder as he made his way up to the second floor without pause. 

“Damn it, Remus!” Sirius grabbed onto the banister, ignoring the screeching of his mother’s portrait. “Does  _ HE _ know?!”

The answer was the door to Remus’s room closing shut.

“You have got to be kidding me.” Sirius hissed, and then turned and wrenched the drapes closed on his mother’s purple face. “Shut it, you old hag!”

In the silence that followed Sirius realized three very important things; Remus knew who his soulmate was, he was not reacting well to Sirius finding out, and most of all-

“That’s a right fucking mess.” Sirius muttered. 

_ ‘Why can’t you just leave him alone?’ _

_ ‘I’m a prefect, you know. I can’t just turn a blind eye to this.’ _

_ ‘What do you want from me? You’re going to harass me like you harass him?’ _

_ ‘We don’t actually know if he’s a death eater. _ ’ 

The thing was this; Sirius knew he was a bit of a twat in school. James was his best friend, and they always got up to some sort of mischief together when they were in their younger years at Hogwarts. It was part of the reason why they figured out that Remus was a werewolf at the end of second year. Remus had been quiet and standoffish; acting like he wasn’t looking for friends and just wanted to keep his head down. Yet every time he and James were goofing off, he’d see Remus watching them with a wistful smile.    
  
The hatred of Severus came at around the same time, since James had started pestering Lily and found he could get a rise out of her when he commented on her ‘greasy, hook-nosed, friend’. Sirius had grown to hate the Slytherins by that time, because his perfect little brother became the one thing that Sirius wasn’t; a pure-blooded, subservient, Slytherin. The loathing only grew when he saw Severus and Regulus sitting together once he was sorted, and Sirius figured that Severus was just as much of a bigot as the rest of his house turned out to be. 

The last straw before that fateful moonlit night had been Sirius finding Remus sitting at the same table in the library as Severus. He’d tried to confront him after dinner, but Remus was downright frantic to get away. It was because of this that Sirius was able to see him disappear beneath the whomping willow, and then bring James and Peter there after sundown. After they became friends, Remus only sat with Severus twice more; and both times James caught him and proceeded to annoy Severus until he left. 

Yes, he’d grown up, realized that he had taken his anger out on someone who gave back as good as he got- gave him the fight he was looking for. If James had been jealous because of Lily, then Sirius was jealous because of his brother and everything the Slytherin’s stood for. It was easy to pick a target and stick with them, because by hurting Severus, he hurt his brother at the same time. In the end, he’d been blind to Remus’s pleading, and wasn’t that just the crux of it all? 

Remus didn’t want to be treated like a monster, he just wanted  _ friends _ . Sirius and James thought it was a cool little secret, something that they could all share as the Marauders. Regardless of how it started, he loved his friends; they were the only real family he’d ever had. He didn’t want to lose Remus again, not after all this time. 

They were the only two left, but this? This was enough to drive a huge rift between them. It was something they probably could never come back from if Sirius let his anger control him again.

He’d had a long time to stew in his grief and anger at himself in Azkaban, and there was a part of him that would never return. He knew his emotions were always just under the surface, and perhaps his shock at finding out that Snape was one of his best friend’s soulmates was the only reason Remus could get away before he exploded. He was angry; angry that the smug bastard picked on Harry, angry that he was a death eater, angry that he had the power to hurt someone Sirius cared about.

Angry that Dumbledore  _ trusted _ him. 

He grabbed his jacket and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno if the bookbag is lame but honestly I have no idea what fourteen year old boys want so Remus and I are in the same spot (Actually I bet Remus would have loved that bookbag when he was fourteen so... yeah. Also I just really wanted to have a Ray of Sunshine™ interact with Severus and Remus.
> 
> Also, someone come at me and talk about Severus wanting to change his last name because it reminds him of his father. I want to change my last name so bad. I think he'd be too proud to do it, but strangers? Strangers he can tell that to.


	4. Sincerity

xXx

Sirius ran out of steam when he realized he had absolutely no idea where to find Severus Snape, and so that left him listlessly stomping about Hogsmeade. Not even Dumbledore spent all his summers at Hogwarts, which meant that the slimy git had a house somewhere. Perhaps he found a nice decrepit castle and hung up from the rafters like a bat? Sirius realized with a snort that he was being rather stupid, and stepped into the Hog’s Head for a quick pint before he sheepishly went back home.

Sirius and Remus pointedly ignored the conversation, and by the second week of August they could speak with practised ease. Harry could tell something was off that first week, but he didn’t mention it other than giving them suspicious side glances when they were all in the same room together. 

Of course, the truce didn’t last, because Harry was due to go to the Quidditch World Cup soon, and apparently there was something on his mind. 

“Remus.” Harry caught the werewolf before he could disappear up to this study. “You said you’d tell me before the last full moon. You know, about my dad?”

Remus looked like he’d rather sever off his own leg than have this conversation. “Harry…”

“You said it had something to do with my dad and Snape.” Harry turned to Sirius next. “Do  _ you _ know?” 

Sirius glared at Remus. “Really?”

Remus rubbed at his forehead and then narrowed his eyes at Sirius. “Harry overheard Severus and I arguing before the last full moon.”

“What-” Sirius stood up. “Snivillus was IN THIS HOUSE?!”

“He brought him wolfsbane.” Harry was starting to look like perhaps he regretted starting up this conversation. 

“You mean to tell me you almost bit my paw off several times AND you had wolfsbane in your system!?” Sirius demanded, slamming his hands down on the table incredulously. 

“Because I have such great control over my emotions as an instinct-driven werewolf.” Remus reminded him softly, looking drained. 

“W… Okay, that’s it.” Sirius started pacing. “What the hell, Moony!” 

“Dumbledore told him to continue making the wolfsbane while I’m living in the same house as Harry.” Remus explained. “We were arguing and Harry overheard it.”

“And said stuff happened between you guys and Snape.” Harry jumped in here. 

“I said that we weren’t civil in school, and Harry knew we were friends with his father, so…”

“He put two and two together.” Sirius huffed, unsure if he was more vexed with Remus letting that slip, or at himself for his past actions that now had to be explained to a fourteen year old. “Listen, Harry. We didn’t get on with Snape. He had his friends and we had ours.”

“That’s rather simplified, isn’t it, Sirius?” Remus commented airily. 

“Well what do you want me to tell him? We were stupid kids, okay?” Sirius threw his hands up in frustration. 

“You’re right. We were.” Remus gave him a look so filled with disappointment that Sirius felt like he’d been slapped right across the face by his mother. Remus turned to Harry and started to do damage control. “We were friends with your father, Harry. You know that. Severus knew your mother-”

“-Remus!-”

“-And we used to annoy him to get a rise out of her until sixth year. Then we stopped- we knew we’d gone too far.”

Harry’s face went white. “You…” He stood up, clearly in shock. “You and my dad…”

“Harry.” Sirius grabbed his arms. “We were dumb kids. We grew up, and we graduated. We joined The Order and…”

“You were bullies.” Harry took a step back from him. “That’s why he hates me, isn’t it? He hates me because I look like…” Harry looked like he’d be sick, and then bolted.

“Great, Remus, just great.” Sirius hissed. 

“You’d rather lie to him?” Remus pointed out. 

“No- Just… Shit!” He kicked the empty chair over. “This is fucked up!”

Remus hid his face in his hands, elbows resting heavily on the table in front of him. “We were wrong.”

“I get it, okay? You hate me.” Sirius snapped. “If it weren’t for me and James-”

“-Sirius.” Remus was on his feet in an instant, voice raw. “ _ I _ didn’t stop you.  _ I didn’t _ .” Remus stabbed his own chest with his finger and then pointed to the door. “I may as well have been the one wielding the wand! He’s right to call me spineless.”

“He doesn’t deserve you.” Sirius scoffed at the insults. “Hateful little snake.”

Remus stepped back and shook his head. “That’s what you got from that, Sirius?”

“No, okay? We were wrong!? What do you want me to do? I can’t change the past. Don’t you think I’d want to?” Sirius’s voice was rising as his emotions took over. “He was a fucking death eater, and now he’s teaching my godson and your-” He cut himself off, visibly shaking. “You have no idea how much I hate that he’s there- a reminder of  _ everything _ ! And Dumbledore trusts him so apparently  _ that’s enough _ \- and you don’t fucking deserve this! You’ve had enough shit in your life and now you have someone like  _ that. _ ”

“Like what?!” Remus raised his voice at him for the first time that Sirius could remember. “He tried to save Lily! He left their side to try and  _ save her. A muggleborn. _ ”

“What are you talking about?” Sirius stared at him in surprise.

“After you got thrown in Azkaban, he joined The Order. There are only four of us who know: Kingsley, Minerva, Molly, and I. We were sworn to secrecy. I don’t know if  _ Arthur _ even knows.”

“He…” Sirius looked like Remus had completely broken his ability to think. “You…”

“He is not a good person.” Remus allowed. “But we sure as hell weren’t perfect either.”

As their terrible luck would have it, the full moon and the Quidditch World Cup were the same day as each other that year. Harry was withdrawn until the moment he left, but he wordlessly hugged his godfather and Remus before he slipped through the floo to The Burrow. The two friends would have no idea what was to befall Harry during that fateful match, as they were already in the deep woods, ready for the rise of the full moon.

“You remember summer after fifth year?” Sirius poked at the fire thoughtfully. “We spent most of July and August out here.”

Remus cradled his mug in between his large palms and nodded absently. Things couldn’t be more strained as Harry went into his fourth year. Not only between them and the younger boy, but between each other. They painfully did not speak a word about Severus, and when he came to deliver the wolfsbane, there was barely any more than a handful of ‘here’ and ‘thank you’s exchanged. Severus looked tense, like he was waiting for Remus to lash out, but Remus didn’t have it in him to say much of anything. 

“I think that was the last time things were normal between all of us.”

Remus looked at him, caught between apprehension and curiosity. He recalled that summer as something like a blurry dream; like it came from another life altogether. Now that he thought about it, Sirius was right. The next year would mark the year that James and Lily got together, and also the year that Severus came face to face with the wolf. The next summer they had barely spoken, and then seventh year they were too busy trying to pretend things were normal when they weren’t. 

“What do you think James would say if he saw us now?” Sirius leaned back and looked at the cloudy setting sky. 

“He’d probably be pretty disappointed.” Remus spoke up forlornly. James had always been so full of life and passion; a sun that they all orbited. 

“Do you think?” Sirius didn’t sound too convinced. 

“You don’t?”

“I don’t know. I think if James were alive he’d probably think it was funny, if anything. You remember fourth year when he tried to set you up with that girl from Ravenclaw?” 

Remus snorted despite himself. “That was an unmitigated disaster.”

“Yeah, he was so upset he screwed things up.” Sirius chuckled. “I think… Y’know I think…”

“What?” Remus prompted after Sirius trailed off.

“He’d have wanted Lily to make up with Snape.”

“What?”

“It was one of their last fights.” Sirius admitted softly. “Before…”

Remus swallowed around a painful lump in his throat. “What happened?”

“She wanted to write him. Regretted the way things ended. James threw a fit but then after he came to see me and he said maybe she was onto something. I told him he was right to tell her to forget about him, but he didn’t look convinced.” Sirius looked at him then. “After what you told me about how he changed sides, I wonder if things would be different… The two of you would have already gotten your soul marks by then.”

“Sirius I really don’t want to talk about this.” Remus shifted in discomfort. 

“Well, too bad.” Sirius replied firmly. “I had years to wallow in self pity, Remus. So did you, I’m reckoning.” He gave him a pointed look, and then sucked in a large breath as if to fortify himself. “How do we fix this?” Sirius demanded, looking slightly crazed.

“Fix  _ what _ ?”

“Well I’m not going to be the reason you won’t get your head out of your arse. And we’ve got to talk to Harry.  _ Godric’s flaming knickers _ …” Sirius let out a heavy sigh. “Unbelievable.”

“Just leave Harry for now.” Remus offered, still bewildered. “He needs time to cool off.”

“Well Ol’ Snape has had ten years to cool off and he’s clearly not about to. So…” He gestured to Remus, looking slightly green at the prospect but barrelling through it. “Where are we at?”

Remus opened and closed his mouth several times before he spit out: “What are you talking about?”

“Listen I helped James get with Lily, now apparently it’s your turn, just do not expect me to be nice. I will be civil, but if he even looks at Harry the wrong way  _ I swear _ , Remus…”

“Sirius. It’s- It’s not happening.” Remus ran a hand through his hair and turned away from him, but oddly touched that Sirius would even try instead of just shouting angrily and insulting Severus like he always did. 

“You spent a year teaching at the same place. He brought you wolfsbane at least three times a month.” Sirius pointed out incredulously. 

“And I tried to talk to him and all he did was tell me off.” Remus shook his head. “He resents me, and he hates me even more now that he knows.”

“He didn’t know until  _ this year _ ?”

“When did you expect me to tell him?”

“You had OVER  _ TEN YEARS _ , MOONY.”

xXx

The patronus arrived when Remus was already transformed, and Sirius felt pulled in several different directions. He couldn’t really tell if Remus completely understood what was happening, but the werewolf went still and sat down on his haunches. Moony stayed like that for a long time while Sirius bounded out of sight, not chasing after him even though they’d played tag multiple times when they were spending full moons together before. He was beyond thankful for Arthur Weasley, but he needed to be there for his godson after the death eater attack. 

Things were hectic up until the first day of school, and even then Sirius and Remus were reluctant to let Harry go. They’d talked to Harry a few times about their school days, trying to smooth some things over. Even though he seemed receptive to learning more about his parents, he was still guarded. One late evening when Sirius had left to speak to Dumbledore, Remus asked softly if Harry would ever be able to forgive them. 

“Dudley and his friends used to harass me.” Harry admitted after a long silence. “It was fun for them.”

Remus pursed his lips and then tastelessly sipped his tea, feeling guilt roil in his stomach. 

"I don’t think you’re that type of person anymore.” Harry allowed. “But it makes me feel like I don’t know any of you, not really. How was Snape friends with my mum?”

“They grew up together.” Remus supplied softly. 

“And then?”

Remus sighed. “She ended up in Gryffindor and he ended up in Slytherin… They tried to remain friends but, I don’t know. Things fell apart eventually. You’d… Well you’d have to ask Severus.”

“You’re the only one, you know.” Harry looked at him curiously. “Who calls him by his first name. Why is that?”

Remus was careful not to give anything away. “We were co-workers, Harry.”

“He didn’t call you Remus.”

“Well, like I said. He was still quite unhappy with me.”

Harry nodded, and that was the end of the conversation until Harry went to school. 

xXx

“Professor, can I speak to you?”

Severus Snape did not expect to be accosted by Harry Potter in their first class of the term. Severus was already on edge since the spectacle at the Quidditch World Cup, and he didn’t have time to argue with a fifteen year old brat about whatever the ‘saviour’ decided he deserved. If he thought he could save his grade by acting contrite, he would be sadly mistaken. Severus wouldn’t fall for it, and he wouldn’t be able to change their outright animosity even if he wanted to. Now that the Death Eaters were gathering, he had to be especially careful. 

“You have a class to get to, Mr. Potter. Or do you think yourself above being on time?” Severus turned his back on him to erase the board with one flick of his wand, hoping that would be enough to deter him. 

Unfortunately, the Potter's shared their stubborn streak, and Harry waited until Severus turned back around to face him. 

"Mr. Potter I believe-"

"I'm sorry." Harry blurted.

The abruptness and non-sequitur was enough to stun Severus into silence. His mind working a mile a minute while Harry readjusted his bag on his shoulder awkwardly and lowered his gaze. "I didn't know about you and my parents. I didn't even really learn about them until I came here. My aunt told me they died in a car crash." 

Severus had mere seconds to unwrap several bits of important information, but it wouldn't be enough to address what Harry had unloaded upon him. 

"Detention, Mr. Potter. Tonight. Be here at seven." He gestured to the door. "You can tell Professor McGonagall I have punished you adequately." 

"Yes… Sir." Harry eyed him warily but didn't make a fuss about the detention. 

Harry arrived five minutes early for his detention, putting his bag down and looking around the office slowly as if he could assess what exactly his supposed punishment was going to be. Severus had thought about getting him to scrub cauldrons, but he was far too agitated to wait to have this conversation. If Harry meant to catch him off guard, then he had succeeded, and he didn't like that fact.

"You are going to answer some questions, Potter." Severus told him in a soft but dangerous tone, arms crossed across his chest as his dark eyes bored into Harry. "And I will not have you making a fool of me, is that clear?" 

"Yes, sir." The docile nature was a ruse; he could see the simmering underneath. Harry was always quick to anger; it was something Severus grew to understand about the boy as he grew up. 

"You made several implications earlier." Severus started. "Explain them."

Harry looked stumped for words. "Er… I guess I'm just apologizing for not really knowing what happened. I think maybe you thought I did. And… I didn't." Harry peeked up at him with a wince.

"Eloquent as always, Potter, but I am losing my patience."

"Well it's why you hate me, isn't it? 'Cuz I look like my dad, and he was a right arse to you." Severus did not look pleased at all so Harry started to ramble, hoping to beg off the inevitable blow up. "This summer was the first one I had away from The Dursley's, and so I got to learn a lot about my parents. Remus told me you didn't get on in school and I wanted to know why."

"So this is Lupin's fault then." Severus scoffed. "I'd almost congratulate him on his manipulation."

"Remus didn't-!" Harry cut himself off, visually trying to keep himself from exploding. "He didn't want to tell me but I cornered him and Sirius. I wanted to know why you hated them so much." Harry cleared his throat. "And they told me my dad was a big part of it." 

A better man would have told Harry it wasn't his job to apologize for his father, but Severus was not that man. He was already burning with acidic anger and hatred of being reminded of his past, but he still had questions he needed answers to. 

"Your aunt. Your  _ muggle aunt _ ." Severus sneered the words. "She raised you?"

"Yeah, my Aunt Petunia. She hates magic. I didn't even know what I was until I was eleven." 

Harry didn't know why he was telling Snape this, but there were several emotions morphing across his face as Harry spoke. He didn't know if that was a bad thing or not. 

"You may leave, Mr. Potter."

"But, you knew my mum-"

"Out.  _ Now _ ."

Harry looked like he wanted to argue but a shred of self preservation must have kicked in because he slung his bag over his shoulder and only looked back once at the door before he did as he was told. 

Severus wasted no time storming into his office and floo-calling Grimmauld Place. He was furious, but he couldn't decide what was more atrocious to him; the fact that he had sympathy for Harry Bleeding Potter or that he wanted to strangle his supposed 'soulmate' and then stab him with a poisoned knife for good measure. He would now have to avoid Potter at all costs lest he get harangued about his parents and their turbulent history. 

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Professor Snape." 

There was one person Severus wanted to strangle more than Lupin, and that was Sirius Black. 

"Go and get your werewolf." Severus hissed. 

"Oh, just come through." Sirius waved dismissively. "I'll go grab him."

It was going into the lion's den, but Severus had the higher moral ground, and he would not be above hexing the daylights out of both of them. He’d get a few good shots in, if anything, and being a teacher and a death eater gave him extremely quick reaction times. He would not be played like this; especially from the least subtle of his remaining childhood nuisances. 

"I didn't think you two could sink much lower." Severus tore into them immediately when Sirius returned with Remus in tow. The both of them were wearing casual clothes, which meant that Remus had his jumper sleeves pushed up and soulmark unabashedly on display. Just the sight of it sent another wave of anger through Severus. “Using a fourteen year old to settle your scores for you."

"Oh,  _ here we go _ ." Sirius threw his hands up in frustration. "What did Harry say that set you off  _ this time _ ?"

"You certainly taught him well, pretending like he's absolved just because he's some self-deprecating 'innocent'." Severus gave Sirius a disgusted look. "Spouting nonsense for sympathy and then trying to trick me with your lies."

"You do NOT get to talk about Harry like that." Remus cut off anything Sirius would have said, which surprised both of the others in the room with the forcefulness of his words. "You can hate Sirius and I, but Harry is  _ fourteen _ . He doesn't deserve your hatred. He's done nothing to you except  _ exist _ . That's Lily's son you are treating like this." Remus closed some of the distance between them in a few long strides, eyes burning with righteous fury. 

Severus looked stunned for all of two seconds before he regained his footing. "And I suppose his story about being raised by  _ Petunia Fucking Dursley _ is nonfiction?" He snapped back. "There is no way in hell she raised Lily's son like her own." 

"She didn't." Sirius cut in here angrily. "And that's why he's so fucked up that he's apologizing to an adult that is still pulling a hissy fit about his  _ dad _ over a decade later."

"Fuck you, Black. Don't talk to me about resentment. I know all about how you made Regulus's life hell just because he dared to be your parent's favourite." 

"You don't know what you're bloody talking-"

"What does Harry's upbringing have to do with any of this?" Remus asked, and Sirius cut himself off to hear the response. 

"You let  _ Tuny _ raise Lily's son?" Severus repeated, voice dripping in vitriol. 

"We didn't 'let' Dumbledore do anything. You are the first person to call Remus unfit to be a father, even though that's a  _ bloody lie _ . And I was in  _ prison _ ." Sirius shot back. "Dumbledore said Lily's bloodline would keep her protection magic safe. We had no idea what she was like." 

"OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T." Severus yelled, turning away from them and swearing colourfully as he tried to get his agitation under control. "What the hell was he thinking?! Lily would have- she'd have never let that  _ hateful _ wretch _ … _ " 

"Severus?" Remus shared a bewildered look with his friend. 

"Anyone would have been better." Severus turned back to Remus with a snarl. "Even  _ you _ ."

"A step up from Petunia Dursley, am I?" Remus chuckled with no humour. "I suppose that's the best compliment you'll ever give me."

Sirius tried to get a hold on his emotions, breathing in and out deeply even though everything in him wanted to grab for his wand and hex Snape. The moment one of them drew their wands it would end  _ way _ worse than if they just sat and screamed at each other until their throats were raw. 

"Harry was not apologizing for us." Sirius reined the conversation back in. "We wouldn't ask him to do that." 

"Because you've never apologized a day in your life?" Severus couldn't help taking the piss at Sirius. 

"Would you be willing to accept the apology if we did give it to you?" Remus demanded. "Because I have tried. And you have told me to bugger off. So will you accept it now?" 

Severus straightened out his spine and glared at Remus, knowing that he'd out-maneuvered him. 

"Because we are." Sirius blurted, watching the two of them exchange hard looks warily. For a moment he was pretty sure they'd forgotten he was even in the same room. "Sorry. We were bastards. I can't speak for James, but I took it too far." 

"If you think this is enough to make me forgive you then you are wrong." Severus crossed his arms across his chest. 

"Are you going to accept it or not? For Godric's sakes!" Sirius wanted to tear his hair out. 

"If I could ever believe your words are sincere..." Severus looked doubtful despite his more diplomatic response. 

"And Remus?" Sirius pressed. 

Silence permeated the room.

"I'm not sure Severus is capable of forgiving me." Remus allowed, tone soft but deadly clear. He left the room quickly, and Sirius rounded on the Potion's master incredulously. 

"Are you honestly-? You're making him Wolfsbane!"

"At the behest of the Headmaster-" Severus started his same diatribe. 

"- Give it up!" Sirius groaned. "I spoke to Dumbledore, you idiot."

Severus started at him with his lips pursed, and his expression guarded. 

"I was going to use that as my trump card, you know." Sirius bemoaned. "Your stubbornness knows no bounds. Can't believe I had to pull that out right away."

"What, exactly, do you expect to do with that information?" Severus asked, his calmness betraying the anxiety inside. 

"You are here. Three times a month. Are you looking for someone to yell at? It's not his fault he's your soulmate."

"He is  _ not _ ." Severus insisted uncomfortably. "It's a mistake, a  _ trick _ ."

"Because you'd know." Sirius rolled his eyes. "I didn't know you were into Divination, Snape."

"I'm going back." 

"Fine. Fine. Just keep bringing him Wolfsbane, would you? You know he is the least shitty out of all of us." Sirius couldn't believe he was pleading with Severus Snape of all people, but it felt warranted. He didn't know how bad it was until they were all in the same room together. 

Severus left without a word, but it wasn't an outright refusal, so he hoped it was a start. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: ‘For fricks sakes KALA can you stop rambling and just get to the GD romance?’ No, no, apparently I can not. I’m too busy world building. 
> 
> I know it seemed kind of anticlimactic that Sirius didn't just randomly know where to find Severus, but I have this idea of him just being so worked up that he storms off and then just goes.... oops. Don't know where he lives, that was dumb. I have done this before, so yeah, thought it was fitting. 
> 
> BUT WE HAVE A CEASEFIRE BETWEEN SIRIUS AND SEVERUS. So... yay?


	5. Mourning

XxX

“There is no way IN MERLIN’S SOGGY KNICKERS I am letting you put Harry in danger AGAIN.” Sirius thundered, slamming his hand down on Dumbledore’s desk for emphasis. 

“Sirius...” Remus tried to reign him in, but his heart wasn’t in it. The both of them were in firm agreement that this had Death-Eater-Trap written all over it. The moment they got the news of Harry’s name coming up in the Triwizard Tournament, they knew this year would be a frustrating one.

“Are you sure he didn’t put his name in himself?” Severus spoke up from his spot in the corner of the room, arms crossed and tone dripping with sarcasm.

“Did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire, Harry?” Remus asked him calmly, turning to the still shell-shocked fourth year. 

Harry shook his head frantically, face as white as a sheet and eyes opened wide in alarm. He was the only one sitting in the circular office, while all the adults involved debated his life in varying levels of dismay. Sirius was informed about the ceremony after the three school heads had decided Harry would have to participate due to tradition. He flew into a flurry of shouting anger and then demanded an audience with the Headmaster. 

Remus looked back at Severus pointedly. 

“Ah, yes, a Potter,  _ incapable _ of lying.” Severus volleyed back in a drawl.

“Severus.” Minerva admonished, and then turned to the headmaster with a furrowed brow. “There must be some way, Albus. We can’t have a fourteen year old risking his life, especially without his consent.”

“-And the CONSENT OF HIS ACTING GUARDIAN- WHICH I AM.” Sirius roared.

“Yes, we are all well aware of your starling track-record with  _ raising _ children.” Severus commented. 

“Severus that is completely unnecessary.” Remus sighed. “Sirius is right- Harry isn’t even of age.”

“My hands are tied, Sirius. Tradition states-” Dumbledore attempted to appease him calmly, but Sirius was having none of it. 

“Bollocks to your ‘tradition’! You know what else is tradition? Age of consent! Harry is legally my responsibility until he is seventeen and I will drag you before the Wizamegot before I let you do this to him.” Sirius cut him off. 

“You don’t think it’s suspicious that there was an active death eater appearance and now the ‘boy who lived’ is suddenly front and center for an extremely dangerous competition?” Remus added, ever the voice of reason. “There are three champions, let them have their glory. Harry has had enough.”

Severus scoffed loudly. “ _ Harry Potter _ afraid of making a spectacle? Perish the thought.”

“Well, perhaps your preconceived notions are wrong, Severus.” Remus replied pointedly. “You certainly have been wrong about things before.”

“Have I?” The potion’s master didn’t sound convinced. “I think I’ve made adequate assessments of  _ most  _ of the people in this room.” 

“Oi!” Sirius snapped his fingers to cut through the boiling tension between them. “Would you two stop fucking flirting for two seconds?! We are talking about Harry and his well-being, Snape. Stop being contradictory just to get a rise out of Moony!”

It would have been a comical moment, but Remus and Severus looked like they were both two seconds away from throttling Sirius with their bare hands. Sirius, meanwhile, was too agitated to realize the ramifications of what he’d given away. Harry looked like he’d turned an impressive shade of bronzy-green, which was quite a feat. Lastly, the two eldest in the room looked alarmed and slightly appalled but for different reasons; Minerva due to the language used, and Albus for the content. 

“Come on, Harry. Walk me to Gryffindor. I wanna apologize to the Fat Lady for last year.” Sirius patted his godson’s arm to shake him from his daze and help him stumble to his feet. Sirius turned to Dumbledore one more time with a scathing glare. “And my godson will not be a part of your tournament. I’ll homeschool him if I have to.” He paused and then recorrected. “Or Remus will.  _ One _ of us will.”

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose, but decidedly did not make eye contact with anyone in the room. “Good day.” He followed along behind the two of them quickly. 

“I was  _ not _ flirting.” He hissed furiously in Sirius’s ear. “Why in Godric’s name did you say that?!”

“Right. Sorry.” Sirius looked a bit contrite now that the three of them were alone. 

“Shut Snape up, though.” Harry chimed in, half-thoughtful and half-shell shocked. 

“ _ Professor _ Snape, Harry.” Remus corrected him automatically. 

“Oh, god.” Harry stopped abruptly to stare at Remus. “Is that  _ also _ part of the reason why you bullied him in school?!”

“Harry- No!” Remus put his hand on Harry’s back and pushed him along. “Padfoot, do you see what you’ve done?”

“I see I’ve made you turn a very funny shade of pink.” Sirius sounded far too pleased with himself. “And Snape, too!”

“I am going to find the most embarrassing pictures of you and publish them to the Prophet.” Remus vowed. “And then once you die of shame I’ll bring you back to life to murder you _ again _ .”

xXx

Unfortunately, Sirius’s intervention did not save Harry from the wicked ways of one Barty Crouch Junior. When Professor ‘Moody’ was tasked with bringing the Triwizard cup to the center of the maze, he had Harry carry it for him. The moment that they were alone in the center, it was activated, and Harry was whisked away to deal with the trauma of Voldemort’s revival in the fated graveyard. There was one small change, a ripple effect of higher proportions than anyone could ever understand. 

Sirius didn’t trust anyone in Hogwarts, least of all Dumbledore, and so he made sure to be at each task in the Triwizard Tournament lest the old coot try to get Harry to compete. Thankfully, Harry seemed just as eager to fade into obscurity and watch the tasks from the sideline. Sirius was even motivated to cut Harry off from Hogsmeade, but one look at the scandalized look on his godson’s face during the Yule holidays made him reconsider. For the first time in Harry’s life they were able to be a real family; coming home on holidays, talking about school work and acting somewhat clandestine. Sirius didn’t want to make Harry miserable.

However, it was due to his paranoia that Sirius was able to move swiftly when the occasion counted for it. On the morning of the final task, Sirius showed up early to surprise his godson. Instead, he found Ron Weasley looking confused and a little bug-eyed when Sirius showed up into the Gryffindor Common room after charming the Fat Lady to open up her portrait. 

“He’s helping Professor Moody with something.” Ron admitted. 

Immediately Sirius felt the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that something was wrong, and he took to the stairs two at a time to reach Harry’s dorm room. They’d agreed Harry could keep the map while he was at Hogwarts, if only to ensure he didn’t get caught by someone sneaking onto the campus. It took him a moment of rummaging through the trunk, but he found it wrapped up in James’s old cloak. Harry’s dot was walking out to the quidditch pitch with a man that was not Mad-Eye Moody, but Barty Crouch. 

Sirius stuffed the map into his back pocket and broke out in a sprint. The few members of Gryffindor he knew shouted at him in alarm, but he didn’t even bother to stop to explain to them his fears. 

“There you are.” Remus stood at the bottom of the room of moving staircases, exasperated. “I should have known you’d go up there. You no longer go here, Sirius-”

“-Harry!” Sirius threw over his shoulder as he swept past him, and then as a second-thought pointed his wand in front of him and sent off a Patronus to Minerva, telling him to meet him at the pitch and something was going on with Harry. 

Remus was on his heels, but Sirius had always been the faster of the two of them. If he didn’t want to get fined for being an unregistered animagus, he would have already transformed to save himself some time. He had no idea that they bypassed Severus Snape coming out of a classroom, but nothing mattered except getting to Harry. 

“Shit.” Sirius skidded to a stop, making Remus almost slam into his back, stumbling to the side so he wouldn’t hit him. 

“The final task is a maze.” Severus drawled from behind them. “Surely you saw it on your way here?”

“We came through the floo.” Sirius responded, clearly distracted. “He’s in there.” He pulled the map out of his pocket to confirm. 

“What are you-?” Severus glanced over his shoulder and his eyes widened. “Does that say Bartemous Crouch? What manner of parchment is this?”

“We don’t have time.” Sirius rounded on him, eyes flashing in frantic anger. “How do we get to the middle, Snape?”

xXx

They made it to the middle of the maze to find that there was no one but Mad-Eye Moody there, chuckling and muttering to himself. Severus was the first to draw his wand, putting an  _ incarcerous _ on the man who was supposed to be his coworker without asking any questions first. Remus pulled the map from Sirius’s hands to not only confirm that it was polyjuice, but also that Harry was gone. 

“What have you done?!” Sirius demanded, storming over to the other man and hauling him in by the lapels of his robes. “Where is Harry?!”

“He has the honor of meeting My Lord face to face.” Moody’s wandering eye rolled to the side and landed on Severus. “You! I knew you weren’t loyal. Nothing but a spineless blood-traitor. I hope he kills you with his own hands.”

“Far worse will happen to you, Crouch.” Severus promised him silkily. “Tell us where Potter is.”

“Ha!” Crouch spat at Severus, and Sirius shoved him to the ground. Without use of his hands, he landed heavily and couldn’t brace himself. 

“He could be anywhere. There must have been a portkey.” Remus glanced at the altar. “The cup. You asked Harry to carry it here.”

“Far too trusting, that boy.” Crouch grinned at them. 

“I will crucio you, I swear, I’m not above it.” Sirius promised venomously. 

“Shut up, Black.”

Severus shoved him to the side and grabbed the face of Alistair Moody and forced his jaw to look at him. “ _ Legitimens _ .”

Remus stared at him in shock, unaware that Severus was so well-trained in the arte of mind-invasion. Had he learned that as a Death Eater, or was it a skill he kept close to his heart, only using in emergencies? 

The polyjuiced man was actively trying to fight it, sweating and twitching, but Severus shoved past all mental defences and delved into the depths of his psyche. He saw flashes of a plan, the sickening sight of Voldemort’s current form, and several other things he filed away to discuss with Dumbledore later. In the back of his awareness, he could hear shouts from the other professors, and he quickly disengaged the spell. Immediately he pointed his wand at Crouch, knowing he only had seconds to keep his cover. 

“ _ Obliviate _ .”

“Snape!” Sirius grabbed his arm and wrenched him back, but the damage was done. Barty Crouch Junior would not be able to remember that they extracted the information from him in that manner. He’d remember caving under threats of torture, which would be even more shameful if he ever managed to crawl his way back to the Dark Lord’s feet. 

“Little Hangleton.” Severus looked at Remus, ignoring Sirius completely. “There’s a graveyard. They’re there.”

“Are you absolutely sure, Snape?” Sirius demanded. 

“What are you waiting for?” Snape pointed back the way they’d entered. “Go, there’s no time!”

“Shit.” Sirius glanced between Crouch and Snape and made a split second decision. He turned on his heel and transformed into his dog form, taking to the maze as quickly as he could. 

“Severus.” Remus stepped around the dazed and confused Crouch, who still wasn’t completely aware of what was happening after such a powerful obliviation. 

“Go.” Severus stared at him in dismay. “I cannot- you know I can’t!”

Remus felt his heart beating frantically in his throat. “I know- will you be safe?”

“My safety is none of your concern.” Severus insisted, but it sounded a lot like ‘ _ it’s not what’s important right now _ ’ to Remus.

“It is.” Remus said firmly, but he didn’t have time to convey all he wanted. He was already too far behind Sirius. He needed to catch up.

Still, what Severus had done for them- for Harry- it made all the annoyance and animosity between them evaporate. Suddenly he was standing and finally  _ seeing _ Severus, wondering if really it was as simple as asking. When things counted, truly counted, he realized he trusted him implicitly. “If we make it back alive- Marry me?” He blurted impulsively, the words ricocheting in his head. 

“I beg your-” Severus glanced at the exit and then at Bartemius Crouch who was finally starting to look less starstruck and lose his polyjuiced appearance. “I refuse to answer. Ask me when you get back.”

“I will.” 

Remus left.

xXx

They arrived too late, but not late enough to wreck havoc in the Death Eater ranks. Between Remus, Sirius, the professors and headmaster of Hogwarts, and the few Order members who answered the call, they were able to incapacitate two of them. They interrupted the fake duel between Harry and Voldemort, and Sirius immediately ran to Harry’s aid, only to be stopped by a familiar face.

“You vermin.” Sirius snarled. “You’d stand in front of him, but not James and Lily?!”

Peter Pettigrew raised his wand and Sirius Black raised his. 

Remus was immediately pulled into a fight between one of the masked Death Eaters, and he couldn’t help his friend or Harry. The man blocking his path was skilled, and wouldn’t go down even with Remus’s extensive defensive and offensive knowledge. It was a male voice, one vaguely familiar, but Remus couldn’t quite place it. All that mattered was it wasn’t Severus, and the person behind the mask wasn’t looking to maim- of that it was clear. Instead, they were simply keeping him distracted. 

“EXPULSO!”

The loud explosion was enough to force both friend and foe to shield their eyes, tombstone and statues shattered with enough force to cause serious damage to anyone within range. It was Sirius who had cast the spell, and Remus quickly squinted through the debris and caught sight of a body on the graveyard ground. Sirius knelt beside him and checked for a pulse and then his gaze locked with Remus’s and they both knew.

Peter Pettigrew was dead. 

“ _ Avada Kedavra! _ ”

“ _ Expelliarmus! _ ”

xXx

The official report was that a group of death eaters abducted and attempted to kill Harry Potter, but the ministry was extremely reluctant to admit Voldemort had been resurrected. Even with all the witnesses, they simply stated that they had no comment when they were asked if the Dark Lord had risen once more. Everyone else knew better, and The Order was reinstated almost overnight. It was Sirius who had grabbed the portkey and returned with Harry to Hogwarts, holding his godson close and checking him over frantically for any other injuries. The aurors were already there, arresting Crouch who was back in his own form, and haranguing Severus over his involvement. 

The Dark Lord did not trust Severus, and his standing in the Death Eaters was precarious at best. He missed the first three Order meetings, and no matter how much Remus pleaded and demanded that Albus tell him where the spy was, it appeared that not even the Headmaster knew what had happened to him. They were all expecting the worst until nearly a month later, when he arrived at Grimmauld Place ashen and weak, but still alive and annoyed with any fussing from Molly or Remus.

“They have been watching me.” Severus took a shaky sip from his tea that Molly had damn near shoved into his hands. “I was unable to get away until now.”

“What are his plans?” Sirius was the first to ask. 

“I do not know.” Severus looked frustrated with the fact. “As far as I can tell, he is attempting to gather his followers and secure his hold over them once more.”

“Damnit!” Sirius slumped back into his seat. “I say we storm a fucking meeting and take em all down in one fell swoop!”

“Voldemort is not that easily defeated.” Albus responded patiently. “He has been alive all these years, biding his time. Destroying his body will not stop him.”

"So? We can still get some Death Eaters arrested, stop him before he gains too much momentum?" Sirius insisted. 

"And if we fail, we risk Severus's life." Remus murmured, which caused Sirius to slump into his chair like his strings had been cut. "He already suspects Severus. We would be putting his life on the line without any guarantee that we would gain anything."

"We can't just do nothing." Sirius looked around at everyone helplessly. 

"How did he not die the last time?" Nymphadora Tonks asked. "Maybe if we know how, we can stop him from coming back again?" 

"At this point it is all mere speculation. Something is holding him to the Earthly plane and he will not cross into the afterlife." Albus answered thoughtfully. "There are a few possibilities."

"He was brought back with a ritual this time." Remus offered. "Given a body instead of resurrected completely…"

They spent the rest of the meeting trying to understand what exactly Voldemort was and how he remained alive all these years. Sirius was sullen the rest of the meeting, eyes boring into the side of Dumbledore's face. Severus wasn't much help either, wincing and trying to hide his discomfort as the meeting dragged on. Finally Dumbledore adjourned the gathering and people began to disperse slowly.

"Do you want to stay here?" Remus offered in a tone that was barely a whisper, leaning down to keep the conversation private.

"I think not." Severus stood up abruptly, ignoring the lightheadedness as a result and heading for the floo in the study. 

"Just until you recover." Remus insisted, catching up to him quickly. "You must be exhausted, we have spare rooms here."

"Leave me be, Lupin. I don't have the energy to deal with your foolishness." The words were lacking their normal bite, but Remus still watched helplessly as the floo flared to life and took Severus with it. He felt the opportunity slip through his fingers once more, and cursed himself that he didn't try to stop him. 

XxX

"He knows something, Moony." Sirius insisted a few nights later. 

Harry was staying at the Weasley's for the evening, eager to get out from under foot. Remus could tell the boy was still traumatized from the revival of the dark lord, and he was having a hard time sleeping as a result. It was more often than not that they'd awake to the sounds of his screams, running into his room to try and soothe him as his scar burned fiercely enough to make his eyes water. 

"Dumbledore must have his reasons." Remus tried to keep the peace, even though he did feel disillusioned now that he knew how willing the Headmaster was to throw Harry into a dangerous tournament that still somehow cost him dearly. 

"That's shite and you know it." Sirius jabbed his fork at him, a fluffy piece of the pasty flinging off to hit the table. 

"Without having access to the spells You-Know-Who had, we are at a loss." Remus steered the conversation away from Albus. "Who knows what manner of dark magic he has access to?"

"Or ancient magic…" Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Kreacher!"

"Yes." The house elf looked at his master in displeasure. 

"Is there anything you know about dark magic? Anything we may have in this house?" 

Kreacher shifted in either annoyance or something more suspicious. "The Master will have to be more specific."

"Do we have any books from… anyone that contain rituals or any ways to keep someone immortal?"

"I do not read Mistress's books." Kreacher sniffed disdainfully. 

"Useless… fine. You're excused." 

"Sirius. Honestly." Remus nudged him under the table with his foot, and then turned to Kreacher. "Thank you."

Kreacher disappeared, but it wasn't the last that Remus saw of him that evening. He found him again while he was reading in the study, searching through some of the tomes that were left in the family library and other abandoned rooms. They were old and brittle, so far there were interesting passages, but nothing of use with Voldemort. 

"Mr. Lupin is looking for dark magic?" Kreacher's old croak startled Remus from his musings. 

"Yes. Although I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for." Remus admitted. "I will put them back where I got them from, Kreacher. I'll try not to damage them as well."

"There is something…" Kreacher admitted hesitantly. "Master Regulus…" The ancient elf sagged, expression turning into one of grief. 

"Regulus had something, Kreacher? Can you show it to me?"

"... Follow me."

XxX

The evening of the next meeting was a week later, but Sirius and Remus were terse for reasons that didn't have to do with an indestructible locket. Harry had awoken last night screaming about watching Professor Grubby-Plank being murdered by Nagini. It was a horrifying scene he laid out to them, and Remus felt it was a terrible omen despite the fact that he tried to assure Harry it was just a dream. He didn't want to mention it to the others, but Severus arrived at the meeting looking dour and announced they had a meeting the previous evening. 

"There was a murder." Was all he offered, and everyone went silent. 

"Severus, it wasn't Professor Grubby-Plank, was it?"

"How-?!"

"Fuck." Sirius looked ready to rip his hair out. "It's got to be a coincidence, Remus."

"Harry had a dream last night." Remus explained. "In which he watched what appeared to be a meeting."

"How did she die?" Severus demanded. 

"...A giant snake."

The meeting dissolved into chaos from there. They discussed the meeting at length, but no matter how much they tried to deny it, Harry should not have been able to see that. It meant that he was connected somehow, and if The Dark Lord knew that, there was no end to what he could do to torment Harry. 

"He must learn to clear his mind." Severus insisted. 

"Occlumancy?" Albus scratched at his chin in thought. "That is a good idea, Severus. You are skilled in the subject, are you not?"

Severus glared openly at the Headmaster. “I will not waste my time attempting to teach Potter such a complex skill, he is already dismal at following instructions in my class.”

“He learned the Patronus Charm.” Remus felt the need to interject here, needing to defend Harry.    
  
“Then you teach him.” Severus stood up. “I refuse.”

“Oh sit down, Snape.” Sirius demanded. “We have more to talk about than your unwillingness to be a team player.”

“Enough.” Albus’s voice cut through what would have spiraled into an argument. “Sirius, what are you implying?”

“Show ‘em, Remus.” 

Remus carefully pulled out the locket and placed it on the table, watching as several people leaned forward to peer at the object. 

“Whatever this is, Regulus died trying to get it, and then told Kreacher to destroy it. He’s apparently tried everything, but he hasn’t been able to put a scratch on it.” 

Albus stood up slowly and walked around the table to look at the locket, everyone’s eyes tracked his movement. “Where was this found?”

“In a cave, guarded by a curse and inferi.” Remus told him carefully. “Do you know what this is?”

“It’s Salazar Slytherin’s Locket.” Albus announced, causing whispers of confusion to break out amongst the rest of the members. 

“You know what it does, don’t you?” Sirius accused. “Just tell us, Dumbledore.”

“I can’t be sure…”   
  
“Then tell us your guess.” Sirius growled. 

“A Horcrux.” 

xXx

“Severus.” 

The meeting adjourned quickly after Albus explained what a Horcrux was, but the headmaster still pulled Severus to the side to attempt to coerce him into teaching Harry Occlumancy. Remus and Sirius waited patiently while the others filed out, Sirius wanting a moment to get more answers out of Albus, and Remus wanted to catch Severus before he left. They still hadn’t addressed what happened between them on the evening of Voldemort’s return, and Remus had backed down last meeting. This time he wouldn’t be so cowardly.

As predicted, Severus stormed off, and Remus sent Albus a knowing look as he pursued him. Severus was already in the study, trying to make a quick getaway before anyone else could attempt to speak to him again. 

“I refuse to spend any more time than necessary with Harry Potter.” He tried to cut him off before he could attempt a persuasion. 

“Or me.”

Severus froze, the line of his spine tense as Remus watched him warily. Severus was facing the fireplace, not turning around to meet him head on. Whether it was to hide his face or make a quick escape, Remus couldn’t be sure. Why was it so hard for people who were soulmates to understand each other? Wasn't that the whole point of one?

“I meant it, you know. Not just because we were going to fight to save Harry.” Remus insisted, filling the silence.

“I am not entertaining this.”

“Is there any way to prove my sincerity?”

Something in his stance melted, and the answer was neither angry, annoyed, or dismayed. “My answer is no.” If it weren’t for Remus’s excellent hearing, he wouldn’t have heard the addition. “... Not now.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Chapter Five. Y'know. The chapter I was supposed to finish on. //sigh//
> 
> Yes this is a fix it fic. Sue me. 
> 
> Also i have finished this fic (basically) and proceeded to ruin my life further with perhaps writing a one shot continuation of it. I also may decide to write the Drarry version of it as well. We shall see.


	6. Love

Severus Snape hated that he had a soulmate. 

From the moment the clock hit twelve on the dawn of his birthday, he resented the lilies that wove up the back of his forearm. To him they were a reminder of his failures, and later on, a reminder of the friend he ultimately failed to keep safe. He sold his soul to try to stop the death of Lily and James Potter, and even though they were long gone he was still paying that price. It left a bitter ache deep in his bones; to know that all his sacrifice, all his mistakes, were in vain. 

Still, there was a sense of responsibility when he saw the matching tattoo on the back of Remus Lupin’s arm. Behind the facade he presented in response, he felt he’d known it all along. If Lily was his first friend, Lupin was probably his first crush- although he had no idea what it was at the time. There was something about the curl of his lip when he smiled; how the scar across it made it more charming instead of off-putting. That was what initially drew Severus’s attention to him in first year.

He didn’t know why Lupin was hiding from his dorm mates, but Severus felt awkward with his. All throughout his time at Hogwarts, he had a vague sense that he didn’t quite belong with any of them. He couldn’t deny he was ambitious and cunning enough to end up in Slytherin, but he found his versions were different from the others. Avery was an acquaintance; probably the only one who tolerated him and appreciated his mind- but his companionship couldn’t be seen as something that made them weak with sentimentality. Instead they kept each other at arm’s length, always pretending it was nothing but mutual benefit why they interacted at all- Avery to fit in with the rest, and Severus to protect his heart. 

Still, Severus found himself in the library time and time again, and always found Remus Lupin sitting there already with books spread out around him. The first few times they sat at different tables; Lupin too caught up in his studies, and Severus too uncomfortable to breach any sort of truce with anyone from Gryffindor. He was bitter at Lily ending up in the house full of poor impulse control and loud proclamations- even if he could admit her bravery suited it well. 

No, Severus often felt the three of them were misplaced. There was something of an unspoken club that they all belonged to- that they probably would have been best friends if they ended up in Ravenclaw. Severus could see it unfurl in his mind as easy as brewing a potion. Still, he didn’t sit with Lupin until after halfway through the first term, when Remus let out a chuckle that pulled Severus’s attention to his mouth, and then he turned and grinned at him- needing someone to validate his mirth with. 

“My potion’s text.” He admitted and then lifted it up for Severus to see that it was second-hand (like his), and that someone had written in the margins. “Apparently Slughorn went on a rant about slugs unironically last year.”

“Kindred spirits.” Severus quipped softly, and Lupin grinned and sniggered. 

“You’re Snape, right?” Lupin tried to prolong the interaction. 

“I won’t help you with your potions essay.” He responded automatically. 

Remus Lupin looked taken aback. “I don’t need any.”

Severus narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously and then acquisited and went back to his History of Magic paper. They worked in silence for the rest of the evening, and then when Lupin packed up his books and left, Severus found himself following suit when the library suddenly seemed too empty. The next day, Severus found all tables filled except the one Lupin was sitting at, and neither of them acknowledged it when he sat down and took out his books. 

He liked Remus; they sat together quietly and studied, and they didn’t need to talk about inane things in order to understand each other. There was something different about it when he compared to his pseudo-friendship with Avery. Instead of being ashamed of sitting with the weird kid from Slytherin, Lupin always offered him a soft smile when he sat down, and every so often would comment on something they were studying. It was few and far between, and not annoying like Severus thought it would be. The gryffindor had a pithy and sly sense of humour. 

Then second year came along. Severus found himself growing more and more irate with Potter and Black- to the point that there were several hexes tossed back and forth now in the corridors. Lupin tried to keep his head down, but there reached a tipping point. Black found him one day in the library, and then it was like the boy disappeared. The next thing Severus knew, Remus was trailing along behind Potter, and he felt his stomach twist in disappointment. 

Severus called him all sorts of things in his head, the first of all being a coward when he wouldn’t stand up to his new shiny friends. Especially when they targeted Severus, and after he would try to catch his eye and send him apologetic looks. Severus knew he was lonely, but he certainly didn’t need a friend like that; and so he settled for denouncing Lupin’s character viciously in his head whenever he caught himself looking for that stupid smile. 

Then he was almost mauled by a werewolf, and he considered himself lucky that he didn’t actually care enough about Remus Lupin to feel betrayed or misled. Not that deep down he really thought werewolves were inherently evil- but it helped to tell himself that.

Remus Lupin being his soulmate was probably not the grand reveal it should have been to him, which left him with nausea and a sense of dread. Clearly Lupin didn’t feel any sort of hidden intense pull towards him, and really, Severus wasn’t in love with him either. Still, there was something about knowing it was there that got under both of their skin and made it hard to ignore each other. Lupin seemed determined to make something of it, which Severus was keen to avoid. He didn’t want some false sense of responsibility, and he certainly didn’t want to pay him any more attention than he already did. 

It was hard though, and it tested his patience. Spending all year teaching together was difficult enough to keep himself in check and Lupin at a distance- now it was a floodgate. He didn’t want to be amused by Lupin’s scathing remarks he muttered under his breath. He didn’t want to look for the wise intelligence in his eyes when they both knew someone was withholding something in a meeting. He didn’t want to draw his attention and argue with him, each one becoming more heated than the last. 

It was superficial,  _ artificial. _ Nothing but a stupid title and tattoo telling them to be aware of each other. Lupin wouldn’t give him the time of day otherwise, and now he was driving Severus around the bend. 

“Will you marry me?”

The question was borderline offensive. He didn’t know Severus. He only knew they were supposed to be connected somehow, and yet he asked more than once. Now it was like a game to him. Ways to find and fluster him and then catch him off guard with the question. He had no doubts that Black was helping him with this little pranking scheme, and although it was ridiculously tame compared to what they did in school, it felt just as nerve-wracking. 

Severus loathed that sometimes he wanted to say yes, just to see the surprise and perhaps horrified look Lupin would give him. He’d never expect Severus to say yes, and that was probably why he felt safe asking. 

The second time was after a particularly bad row in Dumbledore’s office, when they all met to discuss Harry’s need for Occlumancy. Lupin offered that Severus teach him, and that he’d teach Harry, which seemed like a pleasant little compromise for everyone except Severus who saw it for the manipulation it was. He pointed out that this was ridiculous- Albus knew many powerful wizards so why was he bearing down on Severus like this to take responsibility to teach the unteachable? Occlumancy was an inherent trait of his; like potions and research. Potter didn’t have a studious bone in his body unless it amused him. 

“Scared of being alone with me, Severus?” Lupin caught up to him after, far too quick for Severus’s liking, with a tone lightly reproachful. 

“Fear, no. You’re as harmless as a paralyzed crup.” Severus sneered degradingly. “Annoyed, yes.”

“Annoyed I’ll ask you to marry me again?” Lupin gave him a knowing smile. 

“This again?” Severus turned on his heel and walked faster. 

“Am I really so terrible?” Lupin kept his stride, annoyingly long legs  _ curse _ him. 

“Yes.”

“You really think that?”

“ _ Yes. _ ”

“You think I’d make a bad spouse?”

“Lupin- bugger off.” He was losing his patience and his composure. 

He only got away because he cast a sticking charm on the floor so Lupin couldn’t follow him anymore, and he was irate with the pleased chuckle that followed him in his wake. 

xXx

Dropping off wolfsbane was a new horror onto itself. He never thought he would be pleased to see Potter in the study instead of Lupin, and tried to leave it with him as often and quickly as possible. 

“Oh, hold on I’ll grab Remus-”

“Just insure he gets it, Potter.” He did not  _ flee _ , he simply needed to get home quickly as he left the cauldron lit. 

xXx

Black was infinitely worse. 

“When you two  _ do _ get married, where are you going to live?”

“Take. The. Fucking. Wolfsbane. Black.”

“I’d say more the merrier, but we all know you and I would murder each other before the end of the first week.”

“I’m putting it on this table, make sure he gets it.”

“It  _ would _ make things easier on everyone, though. You could finally get your head out of your ass and teach Harry Occlumancy-”

Severus left without hearing the rest of the sentence. 

xXx

“Kreacher says you’re the one who told him to have porridge set up after my transformations.”

“It’s simple logic- light on the stomach. Take the potion.”

“It would be easier to dote on me if we lived together, you know.”

“I will dump this over your head, Lupin.”

xXx

“Marry me.”

After a particularly grueling order meeting, in which none of them could agree and there was a lot of shouting and finger pointing. Severus was working himself to the bone with his double life, and he was exhausted and just wanted to go back to his rooms and Hogwarts and sleep for three days straight. Lupin looked angry, his words forceful and making Severus pause and take stock of them without realizing what he was doing. Something about it made him feel almost apprehensive to say no; that it would spin off into an actual argument instead of childish pestering. 

Instead he didn’t answer, using the opportunity of Molly Weasley coming in to use the floo to get away swiftly. 

xXx

“Severus. Stay,  _ please _ .”

This one was different. Remus’s warm hands on his shoulder to keep him steady as he stumbled to the study- barely able to hold himself upright. 

“I can’t. I have to return to Hogwarts.”

“You’re exhausted.”

Severus shoved his hand off of him. “Then stop making it worse with your presence.”

“Just rest.” Remus pleaded. “I’ll leave you alone, just-”

“-No hollow marriage proposals?” Severus scoffed, trying to keep his feet under him as he strode towards the fire. “I think I’d almost prefer them to this pathetic display.”

“ _ Severus _ . Let someone  _ help  _ you.”

“The time for that is long past, Lupin.” With his feelings too close to the surface- he hastened to leave, and didn’t hear anything else that the simpering fool tried to coax him with. He barely made it to his bed before he passed out, waking hours later with a massive headache and dry lips. He could barely get himself to eat or drink anything the house elves brought for him, and then fell back into a terrible, fitful, sleep. 

But the next day, he called Potter to his office and agreed to teach him Occlumancy. 

xXx

“Promise me, Severus.” Albus gripped his forearm, perfect composure shattered behind the weight of facing down his own mortality. 

“Albus…”

“It has to be you.” Albus reminded him, tone softening. “I know I’ve asked you for too much. I know I've been unfair to you. But this is one of the last things I will ever ask of you.” 

“One of them?”

“Yes.” 

“What is the last request?”

“It will be the hardest thing I ask of all.”

“And what is that?”

“To allow yourself to find happiness, even in the smallest places. Do that, for me, and this won’t be in vain. If tasked with choosing between something will bring you some joy and another path, always choose the joy.”

“How contradictory. You are asking me to kill you to secure my place in the death eater ranks, and yet you ask me to find happiness.”

“I think you’ve always needed a little incentive.”

xXx

The night it all came to a head was a quiet one, not like the sort of life-altering scene Severus thought it would be. He’d seen something like this coming on the horizon, but not involving Narcissa Malfoy. 

“Promise me, Severus.” Her eyes bore into his own, chin no longer held high and poised, but dipped low in awareness that she had no power here; not anymore. When he didn’t answer her right away, too busy mulling over the implications of her request, her tone dipped into something fragile and scared. “He’s just a  _ boy _ .”

“What you are asking me to do is a direct betrayal. If we are discovered…” He was glad she didn’t bring Bellatrix- even her own sister knew she’d sell them out to her lord.

“I know. He’s my son. I’d do anything for him.”

“Even die?”

“Without question.” She raised her chin defiantly. “I’ve already watched this tear apart my family once, I won’t let it happen again to my son. Take him somewhere safe. Keep him away from all this. Drug him if you have to- I just do not want my son on this battlefield.”

“He is almost an adult.”

“In many ways, he will never be- not to me. He can hate me after, but he’ll be  _ alive _ and his soul will be safe.”

“There is still a price, Narcissa. There is always a price.”

“I know. It’s too late for us, but he has his whole life ahead of him...”

Looking into her eyes, he saw her conviction and then he held his hand out to her. “I will keep Draco safe.”

XxX

All Horcruxes gone except the last two. Dumbledore’s fate sealed. A war on the horizon. 

It would be the last time he could deliver wolfsbane to Remus Lupin- perhaps the last time he’d see him before they were forced to separate sides. 

“Severus!” The voice is pleading and demanding, and Severus can’t help but stop. If he can delay this just for one more moment- one more minute of being safe. They’re just two men circling each other, playing a silly game that neither will back down from. There’s no war, no past, no future. 

“Lupin, I swear to all that is good in the world-” He drawls out, pretending to sound irate and annoyed. 

“Will you marry me?”

_ ‘It’s too late for us-’‘-allow yourself to find happiness, even in the smallest places-’ ‘-stop fucking flirting for two seconds-’ ‘-trust me-’ ‘-would you ever get married-’ ‘-I didn’t come here with the intention of hurting you-’  _

Marry me.

“Yes.”

Remus didn’t look horrified, or contrite, or even amused. 

He looked relieved. 

“Thursday.” Remus closed the distance in a few quick strides, grabbing his arms and stepping into his space, voice dipping low. “Thursday night, can you return?”

“I’ll be here at seven.”

“Okay.” Remus leaned in and pressed their foreheads together, and then he stepped back and pulled away like he regretted it. “I have to go.”

“I know.” Severus didn’t step back. He was waiting for the facade to break. It didn’t. 

“Severus. You need to go.”

Was he panicking? He couldn’t tell. “I know.”

Remus stepped back in and Severus wasn’t prepared, wasn’t able to process what was happening, but instead of the kiss he expected, lips pressed against his forehead reverently. “I’ll see you Thursday.”

The dismissal didn’t hurt, but it was enough to force his limbs into motion. The last thing he saw when he looked back was Remus walking over to the goblet and swallowing it back quickly. 

xXx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was what I first imagined when I thought of the premise for this fic. We are finally here at the (near) end and I think this chapter was probably the hardest for me to write. I know it hops all over the place but there was a lot I had to fit in without making it stupidly long. 
> 
> I hope you got a little glimpse at Severus's thoughts. I have a lot of feelings about this part.


	7. Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a journey, friends. Thank you so much for all your comments and love. This story grew a mind of its own, and I was nothing but a conduit.

XxX

Remus wasn't sure that Severus would show up on Thursday evening. There was a heaviness in his gut that had nothing to do with remorse and everything to do with concern. He had no idea if it was safe for Severus to come back to Grimmauld Place so soon, or if he felt coerced into answering yes. Remus knew he should have stopped asking, but there was a part of him that just couldn't. He kept going over that first time in his head; the fact that he didn't just tell him off and instead insisted he ask him when he returned. It spurred him on every time, aching to have his attention, his whole attention, and see the emotions flicker in his eyes whenever he asked. 

But Severus did return. At five minutes to seven the floo burst to life, and Remus jumped to his feet with his heart in his throat before he could temper his emotions. Severus was holding several things in his arms, and Renus catalogued the vials and satchel curiously. Severus didn't seem to care to address him right away, instead he placed everything down carefully on the floor and began to sort things and remove more items from the bag. 

"Eleven vials of antivenin," Severus murmured, "strong enough to counter Nagini. Give one to Minerva and Potter at the very least." 

"These are memories." He gestured to two small vials of swirling white and silver. "They… they will explain things when the time is right." 

"The parchment contains instructions on how to find Draco Malfoy, and how to remove the augmented memory charm placed upon him-"

"-Severus-" Remus stepped towards him with mounting alarm. 

"-These are pictures." He placed two worn and yellowed photographs aside, both face down. "You may give them to Potter at a later date."

Remus knelt down and grabbed his wrists to physically stop him. "Enough." 

Severus glared at him. "This is important, Lupin. I cannot leave these where they can be found. Against my better judgment I am entrusting you with them." 

"In case you die." Remus finished for him softly. "You expect to die." 

"This is a  _ war _ ." He reminded him scathingly. 

"Don't…" His throat closed around the rest of his sentence.  _ 'Don't marry me expecting to not survive _ '. The selfish words wouldn't come and so he clamped his mouth shut and clenched his jaw. 

Severus seemed to take pity on him, leaning back to sit on his knees and running a hand through his hair. "Are they here?"

"No, they've gone to get the horc-" 

A hand slapped over his mouth to stop him, but then the potions master looked contrite and pulled it back. "I suppose it matters not what you tell me tonight. I will be leaving it behind."

The fact that Severus would leave with no recollection of what happened was probably one of the most painful things Remus could fathom. Not only would he be leaving expecting to perish, but without the memory of the one thing that could ultimately connect him to Remus irrevocably. It wasn't fair, none of it was fair, but Renus couldn't deny him anything. Not now, not ever. Not when it really mattered. After everything they'd been through- all the arguments and disagreements, Remus found that revelation alarming, but no less true. 

They lapsed into a silence that was serious and foreboding, but Remus couldn't let the night to end like this. "Have you eaten?" 

Severus gave him a strange look, like he half wanted to lie and not feel so vulnerable telling the truth. "I've had little appetite."

"Come on." Renus stood up and held out his hands for him. "I made soup. Vegetarian." 

The fact that he didn't slap his hands away or scoff was a pleasant surprise, and the flutter of hope when Severus hesitantly allowed him to pull him to his feet was a new experience. One cursory glance told volumes about the sheer stress he was under, but he still relinquished some of his chilly facade. Something must have happened to change his mind, but the werewolf didn't know if he had it in him to ruin the somewhat peaceful truce and ask. 

Severus registered the last word belatedly, and reared back in clear surprise that Remus somehow knew he preferred vegetarian food. 

"How…?"

"I notice things." The werewolf gave him a wry smile, and then tugged him along gently. "It's probably not as good as Hogwarts, but it's not terrible."

"Comforting words." He commented, but still looked slightly off kilter over the fact. With a heavy heart he acknowledged that Severus probably wasn't used to anyone paying that sort of attention to him. Then again, the same could be said for him. 

Without anything to argue over, supper was a strange, stilted affair. Severus looked lost in a series of difficult calculations, and Remus was already planning how to breach the topic of soulmates and what they both expected of this evening. 

Kreacher made himself scarce, but not before confirming some things about soul bonds to Remus. As such the house was quiet and lifeless, making them feel like the only two people in the world even though London bustled on outside their doorstep. 

"Severus…" He hesitantly broke the unspoken truce between them. "If… if this isn't what you want, I don't want to force you."

Severus leaned back in his chair and observed him coldly. "I wondered when you would try to back down."

Remus tried not to let him get under his skin, but it was almost impossible. They had that effect on each other. "I am not saying this for my sake, but for yours. I don't want to marry someone who is unwilling." 

The whole situation was bizarre; and yet he didn't want to let him leave knowing there was nothing between them. He felt frustrated with his own strange emotions, but just as annoyed with how Severus kept giving him the hot and cold act. Did he want this or not? Remus needed to know and it was not outrageous to ask. 

"I agreed and I am here, correct?" Severus responded slowly, but it was careful, something under the surface of his eyes that Remus wished he would just tell him. 

"Why are you here?" He pressed, but his tone softened. "I need to know why."

"Why did you ask?" He turned the question around quickly. 

"Because I don't want to lose the chance to know you." Remus replied honestly. "And sometimes I wonder if I can just get you to stop leaving, then maybe I'll have a chance."

Remus lifted his chin and met his gaze unflinchingly, wondering if Severus would actually consider using his ability to delve into minds to confirm the truth. He didn't like the idea of it at all, but if that was what he needed to see Renus wasn't lying, he'd show him everything. If Severus was calling his bluff then he was calling his. 

"When did you find out?" He asked, settling back against the chair as comfortably as he could for the duration of their hashing out. 

"About the mark?" Remus lifted his own arm, rolling up the sleeve to display the mark thoughtfully. "The first meeting you joined the order as a spy." He admitted. "I followed your scent, and I saw you brewing something with dittany in it. I left shortly after I saw it."

"You knew from the beginning then." He looked agitated by that. "And yet you did nothing until after I saw your mark."

"I…" He shifted in discomfort at the accusation, knowing it was fair to ask and already getting yelled at by Sirius for it. "You looked at me in that meeting with so much disdain. I didn't think you'd be receptive to it at all, the years passed and I fell into my own grief. When I was asked to teach, I thought it could be a new start; that time had tempered some of the resentment between us."

"... He didn't know." 

Remus tilted his head imploringly, waiting for an explanation. 

"Albus. I assumed he knew. I thought you told him, or he was able to deduce it somehow." Severus explained. "Meddling old man that he is…" 

"Does it matter if he knows?" Remus could tell it was important, but he couldn't deduce why. 

"In the end I suppose it doesn't." Severus pushed back from the table with the intention of relocating. "Do you have somewhere set up for the ritual?"

Remus remained sitting, leaning forward to prop his chin up inquisitorially. "Why did you come, then?" 

Severus looked uncomfortable. "I made a promise."

"To Albus?"

"... In a sense."

"Is that truly a good reason to get married?" Remus wasn't sure if his heart should sink or swell. 

"Is that not what marriage is? A promise? I need to trust you." He looked pained by the words, but they were out in the open now and he wasn't taking them back. 

"You can trust me." Remus told him softly. 

"Then keep your word. Now, where is this taking place?"

"The study." 

Perhaps that was really all this was; a chance for Remus to prove he was as good as his word. Whether or not Severus's reasons were right, they were his own and he seemed determined to go through with it. They made their say up to the second floor study; the focal point of their interactions for the last few years. It seemed fitting, and Severus made no comment on it so he clearly didn't object. 

"Do you know what this entails?" Remus sat down on the floor with the small wooden bowl and pestle and two candles. 

"The four elements. Vows. A connection cemented by magic. Some sort of trinket for physical symbolization." He rattled off the list but gracefully lowered himself to a seated position across from Remus without complaint. 

"You have a knack for taking the romance out of this." Remus smiled wryly, and was delighted when two splotches of coloured appeared on Severus's cheeks. 

"It's a spell." He hissed dismissively, but lowered his gaze to avoid eye contact. 

"It's a vow and a contract." Remus corrected him. "One I plan to take seriously."

Severus rose to the bait and locked his gaze stubbornly. "Then do it." 

Remus murmured a limiting spell, creating a circular space around them that would contain the magic. It glowed a faint blue on the floor, and he carefully set up a shield and protection amplifier on top of it. The magic needed to be preserved throughout the whole process or else it wouldn't connect properly. It also stopped any unwanted interruptions from meddlers, not that any such person was in the vicinity. 

"A lily." He tapped the bowl pointedly. "Can you conjure one please? Preferably as similar to the mark as you can." Once Severus had done what he asked, he rolled the cuffs of his sleeves up and gave the potions master a pointed look until he did the same. The dark mark was an ugly blemish that Severus clearly wanted to remain hidden, but Remus strangely didn't feel that way. It was part of the reason why they were here, and he liked the idea of marking Severus with something stronger and more pure. The smell of lilies permeated the space between them.

Remus lit the candles with a wordless  _ incendio,  _ and then held one of the candles up to the flower until it caught fire. Once it was sufficiently engulfed he held it up and instructed Severus to blow it out. The last part was simply pulling a small vial of water out from his pocket and pouring it over the ashes. He took the pestle and created a paste with the remains before he put the bowl down and took in a deep, grounding, breath. 

"I, Remus, am here of my own free will. I enter this space with no intentions other than to complete the bond bestowed upon me." 

"Do I have to repeat that?" Severus asked, his voice dipped low and cautious. 

"Something to the same effect. You have to explain your intentions." Remus instructed gently. "You can use what I said or something similar."

"I, Severus, am here of my own free will. I am here to complete the bond bestowed upon me." He spoke clearly, but still keeping his tone subdued as if in reverence. 

Remus smiled and relaxed when the circle didn't break, but simply pulsed once to indicate it acknowledged the truth of their statement. It would have disappeared if they weren't being honest, which meant that they were both being sincere and not coerced by any other forces. He took a moment to once again ponder about this promise that Severus had made, but the magic deemed it sufficient enough to continue on with the ritual. 

Despite the fact that they'd come this far, it felt like the turning point. When he held out his hand with the palm upwards, beckoning, he still held his breath after he told Severus to hold onto his wrist, much like the Unbreakable Vow. He expected some hesitation, some sort of dawning to the fact that this was real and happening. Instead Severus followed his instruction without pause, the same serious furrow to his brow that he got when he was brewing a difficult potion. 

Remus tapped the bowl with his wand then created a circle in the air above their joined arms. The paste lifted and painted itself onto their skin, interwoven in an intricate braid that wrapped around both of their wrists and glowed softly. The flames of the candles flickered out, their purpose accomplished now that they were connected.

"It's just a regular vow- whatever you'd like." Remus felt the need to explain, stomach jumping slightly at how easy and natural this all felt. He expected more resistance from both of them, but when Severus lifted his eyes to his and nodded, he couldn't help but feel his lips curl up into a smile. 

"I make this solemn vow to take you as my spouse; to devote the rest of my life faithfully to you. I will offer you shelter and protection, respect your wishes and wants, and place my trust in you above all else. Know that I will never ask you to change for me, but to grow with me. I make this promise to you, Severus, now and for the rest of our days."

The only indication that he'd heard him at all was the fact that his hand was gripping onto Remus's arm tightly. His nails digging in as if he expected him to pull away and sever the bond despite his promising words. His eyes were locked onto the woven spell around them, breathing stuttering and shallow. Just when Remus was about to ask him if he was alright, Severus closed his eyes and straightened out his spine.

"I make this solemn vow to take you as my spouse. I will remain devoted to you faithfully, despite any distance between us…" He twitched nervously and then opened his eyes. "I only ask for patience, and will try to have patience in return to meet you halfway. I make this promise to you, Remus Lupin." 

It was probably the first time he called him his first name to his face, and he couldn't help but chuckle at how giddy that made him. Suddenly this all seemed overwhelming in a good way, and he leaned forward and lowered his voice to keep the words intimate between them. 

"Do you agree to marry me?"

"Yes." Severus nodded decisively, and then repeated the question back to him. 

"I do." Remus reached up to touch his cheek with his free hand, waiting for him to flinch away and feeling triumphant when he didn't. "Can I kiss you?" 

"I suppose so." Severus looked amused and so it felt natural to lean forward and meet him in the middle. 

Remus cradled his jaw and kissed him firmly, ignoring the gentle flare of magic that swept over the both of them once the contract was sealed. He didn't want the kiss to end, trying to coax more responses out of Severus. The potion's master had stiffened initially when the magic settled, but then melted against his lips when it was clear that Remus wasn't going to pull away immediately. Remus freed his other hand to frame his jaw on both sides, angling his mouth into a sensual slide. He felt Severus lean into him a little more, one hand steadying him on the floor between them and the other curling around his forearm, as if to try and hold him in place. 

It was the first time he felt like they were completely transparent to each other. It was a pure desire to remain close and savour the moment, with nothing to pull them in separate directions; especially not tonight. For now it was just a celebration of the fact that they were finally overcoming the boundaries both they and life had placed between them. 

Remus slid his hands back into his hair and along his scalp, tongue tracing his lower lip as Severus shuddered against him. Heat flushed through him at how powerful he felt when Severus parted his lips to gasp softly and then tentatively meet his tongue with his. He surged forward into his mouth, deepening the kiss and feeling drunk off the small noise of contentment Severus failed to fight back. 

Remus didn't want to pull away for air, not when it could reset the fragile honesty between them, but eventually he had to. He pressed their foreheads together so he didn't have to look into his eyes and find his mind elsewhere. He just wanted Severus to remain in this moment with him and not start worrying again. 

"Stay the night." Remus demanded softly, leaning in the scant millimeters away to punctuate his order with another kiss. "We don't have to do anything, just-" 

"-I thought marriages were supposed to be consummated." Either Severus's voice was shaking from arousal or nerves, Remus couldn't be sure, but the promise hidden underneath was enough to destroy what little mental faculties Remus had left. 

"Do you want to?" He kissed along his jaw slowly, breathing in the scent of his skin and praying that this wouldn't be the last time he could feel this. 

"I don't want to remember what's waiting outside these walls." Severus responded, and then pulled Remus back so he could kiss him soundly and then murmur against his lips. "Make me forget."

He'd promised him a place to be safe, hadn't he? Remus grabbed onto his hands and pulled him to his feet, savouring the look of a dazed and out of breath Severus before his mind helpfully supplied the words 'your husband' and he felt his heart ache with that knowledge. The rest of the house was lit dimly, but the trek from the study to his room was a short one he could do by muscle memory alone. 

He pulled Severus into the darkness of his bedroom, locking the door with a wordless flick of his wrist before he dragged his husband closer and kissed him again. He could feel the arousal rushing around his body, making him feel bold and reckless with want as he tangled his hand into the strands of Severus's hair to pull it away from his neck so he could suck and lick his way down it. He dragged his teeth against the juncture of neck and collarbone, addicted to the way Severus panted in response. He wondered if he'd let him bruise him, bite down hard enough that his teeth would colour him black and blue for days, or even weeks. He held himself in check for now, but the thought was an enticing one. 

Instead Remus slid his hands up along Severus's spine, thankful that he wore a simple long sleeved dark-blue shirt and Remus didn't have to worry about buttons impeding his path. The feeling of warm skin under his palms was a comfort he didn't realize he had longed for so acutely. He didn't know how he was expected to go on after this without constantly needing it, especially when it came with the intoxicating scent and taste of his soulmate. 

Severus pushed him back long enough to strip the shirt over his head and then he was back on Remus, kissing him and fighting with Remus's shirt. He cheated with his own bit of wordless magic as he undid all the buttons simultaneously and then shoved it down and off Remus's arms. 

It was hot and desperate, neither of them wanted to stop for any amount of time. He pushed Severus on the bed and settled with knees bracketing his hips. He kissed his way down his chest, mapping out the skin with greedy hands and sucking his nipples into his mouth one at a time, swirling his tongue around them until they were hard nubs. 

Once he reached his abdomen he dipped his tongue into his navel, groaning in response to the half broken gasp that elicited. He began to unbuckle Severus's trousers and only paused long enough to get confirmation that was okay before he slid those down his legs, feeling the slim thighs flex as Severus helped lift himself to get them off completely. 

The sight of his arousal leaking through his underwear made Remus act without thinking. He leaned forward and sucked on the cotton, mouth and nose engulfed with the taste and smell of him. Severus's hands flew to his shoulders as he bucked up instinctively and choked down a moan. He was pushing him away and clutching him closer at the same time, body warring between its wants. 

"Lup-" Severus cut himself off, struggling to catch his breath. "Remus. Take off your  _ clothes _ ." 

Hating to be distracted from his worship of the body before him, he tore off the rest of his layers and flung them off the edge of the bed without preamble. It was hard to focus on what he wanted the most, lust and adoration becoming mixed up until he felt barely coherent. 

"I… I want…" He leaned his head against Severus's hip and just tried to breathe and clear his mind of the hazy lust. "What do you want?" He redirected at the last second. 

"What were you going to say?" Severus pushed at his forehead to force him to look up at him. 

Remus knew they had chemistry; it seemed silly to deny such a thing, but he really hoped Severus didn't realize how much control he really had over him. It would be disastrous. All he had to do was quirk a brow at him and the words tumbled out of his mouth. 

"I want to be inside you. We don't have to. Its a lot-" he started to backpedal, but Severus cut him off. 

"-Do it." His voice was so low and deep that Remus felt like it was a spell all on its own. He crawled up his body to kiss him and hooked his thumbs into the band of his pants and slid them down, nails dragging white lines down as he tore his lips away to get them down and off his legs. They were both completely naked now, and Severus fell back against the bed with an arm across his eyes. Remus knew he didn't realize it was their soulmark arm, but he found himself marvelling at the change in it, becoming more grounded when he saw how the lilies had bloomed so magnificently. Before he could think about what he was doing, he leaned down and kissed the soul mark reverently. 

"Let me know if it's uncomfortable." He waited until Severus nodded in acknowledgment before he sat on the side of the bed and found his wand in the tangle of clothing. He incanted a few spells and then crawled back over Severus to pry his arm away from covering his face and licked his way back into his mouth. 

The kiss was Remus's way of gauging if things were okay. When he touched Severus's feverish skin with the cool lube he felt him suck in a surprised hiss. When he breached him with the first finger, he could sense that his body didn't know what to do with the warring sensations of pleasure and stretching. Severus was able to refocus on kissing after only a few seconds of adjustment, and so Remus felt safe sinking in as deeply as he could, relishing in the writhing of his hips and stuttering of his breath. Inside felt tight but warm and soft, and Remus had to take a moment to calm the surge of arousal. After a few slow thrusts of his finger he added the second one, trying to pull Severus's focus away from the stretch and burn with his kiss. It was slower than the first step, but eventually he could slide them in and twist them around, looking for what felt good. Severus was still hard and leaking, but his eyes were unfocused and he was more so clutching Remus to him than he was able to participate in the kiss. 

He rubbed along his inner walls, pulling out to reapply more lubrication and then sliding back in. Eventually he was able to spread his fingers out and Severus's hips started to meet his thrusts in jerky thrusts. He kissed his jaw where he could reach as Severus clung to his shoulders tightly, trying desperately to hide away from how exposed he must feel. 

Remus hooked his fingers and finally found his prostate, grinding his fingers against it a little too celebratory. Severus threw his head back and silently screamed, hips twisting away from the intense sensation. He heaved in a half sob, nails digging into Remus's back as he tried to reign himself back in from the shock of the sensation that blindsided him. 

"Too much." Severus gasped. 

"Sorry." Remus kissed his cheek, contrite. "Is it okay? Do you want me to stop?"

" _ No _ ." He glared at him. "I… i'll expect it now just… keep going."

Remus felt a little leery continuing but eventually conceded when Severus started to rock his hips to force him against that spot, letting punched out gasps slip past his lips with each thrust. Eventually Remus slid in another finger, but now the pleasure far outweighed the discomfort. 

"Inside." Severus grabbed him around the nape of his neck and forced him closer so he could bite his lips, tone demanding. "Hurry up."

Remus had no arguments about being ordered around, but only paused to get Severus more comfortably situated before he lined himself up to his entrance, waiting for the nod of approval before he eased himself inside. All instinct told him to thrust in and claim, but he held back in fear of hurting him. He was so warm and he felt brilliant wrapped around him like this, but he knew it was hard to adjust to something so big and invasive. 

He took Severus's cock in hand and pumped him slowly, just enough that it took the edge off. Eventually he could sink in until they were flush against each other, and he took a moment to appreciate it. Severus looked debauched, yes, but there was a healthy glow to him that there wasn't before, and his eyes looked bright and filled with intent. He wanted this, if not more than Remus did, and he wondered if this was what he'd always needed. Somewhere he could feel safe to just let go and know he was going to be taken care of. That his pleasure and wants mattered. 

"Move." Severus breathed, eyelids heavy as he watched Remus just as unabashedly. He trailed his fingers against his stomach, as if he could feel the length pressing against his belly from the inside, and then planted his heels and moved his hips more snugly against Remus. 

Remus grabbed his hands and threaded their fingers together, pushing him against the bed so he had some semblance of control. He rocked his hips in long and slow, refusing to let Severus ramp up the pace just yet. He wanted to savor the feeling of his legs wrapped around his hips, trying to pull him closer, and a wildly enthralling husband whispering encouragement in his ear. There was nothing else in the world more important than that moment. Just the two of them joined together, seeking mutual pleasure and oblivion. 

He found a rhythm that had Severus relinquishing control of the pace completely, collapsing back into the pillows, and losing control of his voice as his senses overwhelmed him. Remus could tell he was hitting that spot inside him from how he clenched down on him and arched into it. Remus let go of his hands and wrapped them around him, holding him tightly as he entered him again and again. He was losing to the pleasure, trying to hold himself back from tumbling over the edge. Severus's hands scrambled on his sweaty skin, moans falling directly into Remus's ear. 

"So close." Severus sobbed roughly. "I need…"

Remus leaned back and kissed the corner of his mouth, putting enough space between them to get a hand wrapped around his dick. "Let go."

Severus came apart first, screaming hoarsely and quickly fading into a choked off groan. He looked amazing, head thrown back, chest heaving, as he came all over himself and Remus's fist jerking him through it. Remus orgasmed shortly after, rutting into him without control and then finally breaking and tumbling into white blissful ecstasy. They were both dazed by the strength of their orgasms, recovering in the quiet for a long time before they felt comfortable moving and cleaning up. 

Remus pulled Severus's hair back from his face thoughtfully as they settled into the bed. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." He sounded like he didn't quite believe it, either. 

Remus kissed him softly across his face, with no rhyme or reason except he wanted to and Severus was letting him. 

"Stay till tomorrow?" Remus asked cautiously. "Can you?"

"I'll stay until first light." 

"Okay." Remus slid his hands through his hair to the ends and then repeated the gesture again. "Can you tell me what it is you have to do?"

"I…" he didn't need perfect light to feel the distress the question caused him. "No one can know. Not until the right time."

"Okay." Remus hushed him. "I'm still here. It's okay for now."

xXx

The next morning, Severus sat in the bed cradling the mug of tea Remus had made him, eyes locked on the ring in the palm of Remus outstretched hand. 

"I can't."

"I know." Remus assured him. "But it's here for you. When you return."

Severus picked it up gently, turning the plain gold band over and over. "You'll keep it until then?" He no longer spoke like this was his last chance for happiness before he inevitably died. The change was welcome, if only to make Remus feel better about him leaving. 

"Of course."

"When I return, give me the memory of this night back first." 

"I will." Remus vowed. 

"I have to go." Severus looked at the dawn with growing trepidation. 

"I know." Remus kissed him softly. "Do you want to take the memory out now?"

"No it's … it's best if it's right before I leave."

So no one can catch even a glimpse of this. This night was theirs. It was no one else's. 

Severus slipped out of his life on the Thursday after the March full moon. Dumbledore died less than three weeks later. 

Remus sat in the dark of the study for a long time after he heard the news from Harry. The Order was lost at sea without their leader, and although Minerva and Sirius did their best to try and wrangle the rest into some semblance of organization, the blow was a devastating one. It was only due to the momentum of their efforts before Dumbledore’s demise that they were able to find the last of the known Horcruxes. Remus himself was an integral part of finding the one in Bellatrix’s vault, but the win felt hollow.

He watched Severus’s memories of the night Albus made his last request, and then shared them with Minerva and Kingsley, but now when he thought of Severus he felt sick for a different reason. Of course Albus orchestrated his own death and laid the most difficult task on Severus’s shoulders. Even though it made the promise on the night of their marriage make more sense, it felt overshadowed by the darkness of death and war. Remus wondered why it was always up to the same few people to do these impossible tasks; their souls shredding more and more until they were unrecognizable. 

Life continued, and although Remus knew that Severus was still feeding them information via Minerva, he was constantly worried that one time would be the last. Days turned into weeks, and then they were finally able to find the diadem. The destruction of the second last horcrux caused mayhem in the death water ranks. Voldemort could feel the tearing of his soul, and the strength of his rage caught Harry off guard and his mental defenses slipped. Voldemort saw that he was at Hogwarts with the diadem lying broken at his feet with Gryffindor's sword in his hand. Within hours Hogwarts was swarmed, and Remus and Sirius arrived when the fighting was already in full swing. 

Remus looked desperately as he fought as many death eaters as he could along the way, but by then Severus was already on his way to the Shrieking Shack. Remus could feel he was in danger, but it was hard to focus on where his soulmark was trying to take him. That was why he couldn’t stop the initial attack from Nagini.    
  
But he could stop his husband from dying, despite the venom’s best efforts. Remus left the battle to apparate Severus back to Grimmauld Place, and didn’t leave his side until he was stable.

By then the battle was over, and Harry stood over Voldemort’s body, blood dripping from the Sword of Gryffindor. 

Regardless of the horrors they all faced on that day, it wasn’t the hardest day to come by a long shot. If anything, it was a beginning. A way to reset the foundations, and build something stronger. Remus kept to his vows even when Severus was flirting with death between one minute and the next for days after the attack, and he kept to them after when the healers said there was nothing more they could do for his voice. It was challenging for the both of them; what should be two perfect strangers learning how to be married in the aftermath of a war. Yet they persevered, and despite a rough adjustment period, Severus kept to his vows as well. 

After all, what was marriage except a spell, a vow, and a promise? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:   
> Listen, I know the ending is abrupt. It was probably the hardest part of this to write. We all know I'm going to write a happily ever after, so it felt silly to keep dragging out the final battle. There is a next instalment, perhaps even a few, so I didn't want to give too much away. So you can all feel a little less like "wtf they got married for one night and then war happened? Do they just magically get along after?" The answer, my friends, is of fucking course not. What really mattered in this fic was the fact that they finally got over themselves. Almost too late, but better late than never. 
> 
> Hoooo boy its been over three (?) months since I wrote smut. I had more written here but my cat just stepped on my keyboard and deleted it. So... Too lazy to type it all back out. 
> 
> As always, comments and questions are welcome and appreciated. I try to get back to everybody!

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you that are going to stick with me for the long haul- thank you. I am sorry to disappoint but this will not be written as quickly as other fics. Mostly because my main writing has picked up again. Also the Slow Burn tag means no smut till much later.
> 
> I also want to point out that there will be timeline changes, and yes I know that roses are technically the flower for Beauty and the Beast but we can all agree Lilies work better here.


End file.
